I had just hit my 3.5-year old son in the head with a ninja star when the wife came into his bedroom and asked, "What in the holy moley are you guys doing in here?" I know what you're thinking, but no, she wasn't in the Navy, she just uses profanity like a sailor.

By this time my son had recovered and was once again jumping on his bed. "We're playing Neeenja Warriors" he told her.

"Yeah, Neeenja Warriors. Want to play? You can be our wench," I chimed in as my son hit me in the shoulder with a well thrown hat-of-blindness.

The wench just gave me her best disapproving look, you know that "look". The look that says, "Great, we're raising the next Jeffrey Dahmer."

"When his teacher calls to tell us that he just whacked 'Timmy' in back of the knees with a nerf-bat-samurai-sword-thingy YOU'LL be the one going to pick him up."

"Nerf-bat-samurai-sword-thingy? That'd be a club-of-bone-smashing. Jeez, get it right wench," I corrected.

"Yeah, jeez wenc..."my son tried to add just before I cut him off by tossing a blanket-of-smothering over him.

Her eyes became narrow slits, "What did he just say?"

"Nothing. Nothing my fine wen...woman. He said nothing," I replied in an effort to save the Neeenja Warriors.

"Fine. You guys play. I'm going to mow the lawn. Will you at least take a timeout and start the mower for me?"

"Alas, no, me lady, I cannot," I said pointing to my eyes "hast thee forgotten, I am blind and will remain so until I get hit by a sock-ball-of-light."

"Yeah? Well, if you don't get out there right now and start that mower I'll be more than happy to sock you in the balls and show you the light," she ordered and then turned to leave only to get hit with a ninja-star-pillow right between the shoulder blades. With irritated-mother-like quickness the wife spun on her heels and gave us that "look" again, but found me pointing and my son and him pointing at me.

"Wasn't me," we said in unison.

Later that evening in an attempt to make amends with the wench I opened a bottle of Chateau La Croix Bonnelle, Saint - Emillion, Bordeaux 2003 ($15 at Primo Vino). This is a nice, light, Bordeaux that is well priced and ready to drink now or should age nicely over the years. I intend to buy a few more bottles so that when friends come over for dinner I can use my worst French accent and offer them a glass of "Boarductes".

After I put the little Neeenja Warrior to sleep I went into our bedroom and found the wife already under the covers. I started to get ready for bed when something hit the back of my head.

"What was that?" I asked her.

"I just hit you with my chastity-belt-ball-of-pajamas-thingy..."