Article Contributed on: 10/22/2006 7:30:13 PM
The boy is 12 years old and a bully. He came home after I got a call from the principal, telling me the bad news.
Suspension........, the second in two weeks involving a violent act.
He pushed a kid off a chair and claimed it for himself. The boy he pushed picked himself up and smacked my son.
The time before that was a fight with a kid a year older than him.
I'm usually strict when it comes to disciplining him and soft when it comes to carrying out the punishment. If I see some hint of realization in the boy's attitude, a one-week grounding may end after three days.
Call it what you want, I'll call it what it is.
Can I really afford to have that kind of attitude? Can my son afford it?
My wife has pestered me about my frequent policy changes for some time now so I relegated all punitive authority solely to her.
She grounded him to his room for a month.
He was removed from his football team. It was his responsibility to inform the coach why these actions were being taken.
We had a camping trip, which was cancelled two days before we were to leave for it. A cabin was booked and our portion could not be reimbursed. I had all the supplies ready to pack the truck.
Maybe this all seems a little extreme to you because it did to me. I fought all the time when I was in school. After I got a whoopin' from the principal, I went home and got another one from my dad.
Most men remember those days. The kid you got into a tussle with was your best buddy for the next five years. My wife doesn't understand this mentality.
That was then and this is now.
The simple facts are:
Kids didn't bring shotguns to school back then. We didn't have a police car parked in front of our school. There is no place for bullying in an environment meant for education and social development.
Let me tell you a little history about my boy. He's always been a little over average when it comes to height and build so I never worried about his ability to protect himself. I always instilled an obligation to the possibility of talking your way out of a fight or even walking away.
Some may see this as an act of cowardice. I see it as a step to becoming a person who epitomizes honor, leadership, and intelligence. These values are severely lacking in today's society and I'm not referring to our kids alone.
My son embraced this idealism early in his elementary school career. He seemed to steer clear of most trouble until the second grade.
He started coming home crying with scrapes and cuts. We must have fixed his bike 50 times by the fourth grade due to bullies. He was spit on 10 times that I know of.
Still, he was never sent home for fighting at school.
He and I always talked about the altercations and what he could have done differently. I constantly reminded him of the adage, "It takes two to tango."
During his sixth grade term I started to see a change in him. He was fed up with being picked on. He was fed up with my suggestions that did nothing but bloody his nose.
He had a relatively quiet year so I gave him the space a young boy needs at that age.
Then came middle school and the situation at hand.
Did I encourage my son's new persona? Did I fail him with ramblings that have little to no meaning in the world of a 12-year-old? No.
He knows what he did was wrong and will take these experiences with him the next time conflict rears its ugly head.
He is ashamed of himself for becoming every one of those boys who bent his bike rims and spat on him while he was down.
Has he befriended the boys he fought with? One of the two young men called the other day to see if my son could play football at the school. My son was upset about not being able to join the game but my wife rules the roost (I would have let him go).
I reminded him that two weeks earlier, each hated the other.
I got a smile from the boy on that one. He has gained a stronger sense of empathy from this entire experience. Hopefully, with my wife's wisdom and my ability to............listen to my wife, the seeds of honor will begin to flower in the thoughts and actions of this man-child.
I hope you have a strong relationship with your son or daughter. I hope these children aren't feeling so helplessly alone with no one to talk to about their problems. I hope your kid isn't a bully.
I hope........ my kid isn't a bully.