Article Contributed on: 5/23/2009 12:41:40 AM
It's that time again. Every year around this time, it hits. Been happening since 1999, I guess. You see, it was May 23, 1999 that my little girl, Delaney was born.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. The call from Jenny: She was at work (in the hospital, on the same floor as Labor and Delivery) "Bill, something's wrong. They made me go to L & D and now they're admitting me. Something's wrong."
I was in the "nursery" in our tiny house, putting together a crib for our baby. The little one wasn't due for six weeks, so I thought I was getting it done!
The crib didn't get finished that day. I left the tools and instructions strewn about the room and rushed to the hospital. When I arrived, Jenny was in a bed with all kinds of stuff stuck to her. Doctors talked to me, but I didn't hear them. I remember a nurse holding the phone by Jenny's belly and trying to get the baby to move when the phone rang. I didn't know what the heck was going on. I only knew that something wasn't right. That wasn't how it was supposed to be. Crazy memories.
Eventually a doctor explained to me that Jenny and our baby were in great danger. Something called HELLP syndrome. But they could deal with it, they said. Get the baby out and all will be well.
After the induced labor didn't seem to work, they told us an emergency C-section was the last, best chance. I didn't know we were at a "last, best chance" but Jenny and I said, "O.K."
The docs whisked Jenny away and told me that when I next saw her, she'd probably have a ventilator in her throat. My brain was on overload, so I just nodded.
I waited by the doors to the O.R. expecting to see Jenny wheeled out with a beautiful baby in her arms. When the doors opened, I saw a medical team surrounding a tiny child. Someone was doing chest compressions, another was squeezing a bag attached to a tube in my little girl's throat. To this day, I don't know how I remained upright.
I followed them to the NICU where they attached more lines to my baby. I remember thinking, "How's Jenny?" but the docs were working so hard on my daughter, that I didn't get a chance to ask. Funny thing about it: I thought that Jenny was going to kick someone's butt when she got there.
I stood there, watching, not thinking about anything except Jenny and how sweet and beautiful that little girl was. And how awful it was. Childbirth is supposed to be a wonderful experience. What was happening was not wonderful.
Wow. I've gone on. What I meant to write about was the incredible strength of Delaney and how she continues to inspire me, after ten years.
I also wanted to share something I wrote just before Delaney's second birthday.
I like to pick at my guitar, but I'm in no way a musician, guitarist or writer. But, a few days before Delaney's second birthday, I grabbed my guitar and wrote her a song. I'd like to say you should hear it, played as it was written to fully appreciate it, but I sing like an injured cat and I play only slightly better. The jury's still out on whether I can write or not.
For some reason, I feel the need to share this. The following is the song I wrote for Delaney,
"Daddy's Little Girl"
Here comes Daddy's little girl,
the nurse pushed me aside.
I felt so helpless just then,
I nearly broke down and cried.
I wanted to hold you in my arms
and wish it all away.
So many things were happening,
I'll never forget that day.
Those pretty eyes, like your mother,
I saw amidst the strife.
All those people fighting
to save your tiny life.
What's a man gonna do
when the world frowns at him?
Grab ahold of something
and try to force a win.
'Cause an angel's still an angel
even if she can't fly.
On your broken wings
you take me further than my dreams.
Here come's Daddy's little girl,
now you're nearly two.
I guess you showed something
to those who doubted you.
Just like your mother,
you're stronger than they thought.
Now I know true love,
it's you, a part of her.
I don't know what the future holds
but I know one thing for sure:
Any weight you have to bear,
I'll carry it for you.
I'm gonna find you waterfalls,
flowers in a field
You pick the colors,
we'll paint it just for you.
I dreamed of Daddy's little girl
I was giving you away.
Like so many years before,
I nearly broke down and cried.
Then I saw that look
in my little baby's eyes.
So much like your mother,
I finally broke down and cried.
Daddy's little angel
grew up before my eyes.
Bittersweet memories,
I've finally realized . . .
Your wings were never broken,
they carried me with you.
And all this time I thought
it was me carrying you . . .
Happy Tenth Birthday, Delaney!