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Blog Entry 79 of 82 Baseball,football,the Grateful Dead,Jesus and me
Could be politics, religion, music, sports, family life or anything in-between and outside the lines. (I refuse to say "outside the box," even if my chosen line means exactly the same thing) Chronologically, I'm 40. The consensus among those who know me best puts me somewhere between 10 and 13 in terms of maturity. I love listening to Jimmy Buffett, the Grateful Dead, the Allman Brothers and all acts Country (except the Dixie Chicks who offended my long-held,closed-minded view of decent behavior) I have deep, strong beliefs in all things I believe in and sometimes in things I don't. I pride myself in my contradictory nature even though it is a sign of weakness to change one's mind. I have been known to waver more than John Kerry talking about national defense, though I remain steadfast in my beliefs. I am prepared to argue to the death on one issue and one issue alone; Dickey Betts should be allowed back in the Allman Brothers. On this, there is no compromise. I believe in compromise in all other areas so long as the compromise includes everything that I want or believe in. In all seriousness, I am a lucky man, blessed with a wonderful family and an uncanny ability to not care about anything if the situation requires such. I believe that minds are like parachutes in that they have been known to fail their user, albeit with a slightly lower fatality rate. So that's me, or at least that's kind of me. I mean, I felt that way right before I didn't.

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~billsblog

Crying stinks (and it ain't very manly)

Contributed by: Bill Prather   on 6/30/2008

Crying stinks.

Have you ever felt like crying? Today, I hugged my Dad. I grabbed him
and hugged him. He hugged me back. He's my dad and my hero. Tonight, as I write this, my hero is dying. Part of me is dying, too. I can't help it. My wife told me, just a few minutes ago that it's okay to feel lost.

Jenny told me that maybe I needed to let go. She said that maybe I needed to "vent."

The sh--t of it is, I can't. I'm the guy who "drives on." I simply can't show weakness. But you know what . . . I can't do it anymore. I'm not that guy. I have been for forty years, but now, I'm not that guy. Tonight, I'm weak. Tonight, I'm crying. And I'm not apologizing.

You see, today, my dad was sad. But he's my Dad. He's always taken care of me. Now, without my consent, things have changed.

Who in the Hell decided that things could change? Why wasn't I consulted? How unfair is that?

I fell asleep and awoke to a new world. Here's a newsflash for you --I'm not ready for this!!! Who the Hell decided this? It isn't up to you. You don't get to do this! I'm not ready for my world to change! Not yet!

I'm sitting at the top of the stairs, waiting for Dad to show up with donuts. I fear that I'm about to fall . . .

Don't you get it? Today, Dad is coming home with Dolly Madison donuts. I'm going to eat two of them and give the third to Malia. Brett gets the rest. That's how it's supposed to be.

I'm going to ask Mom for a donut and she's going to say, "Wait 'till your father gets home.."

Dad is coming home in the Dodge and he'll have a couple of Dolly Madison donuts . . . then we'll have Mac and cheese and Brett will get the spoon. Malia and I will fight over the pan.

Why am I crying?

Crying stinks.

I wish Mom were here. She'd make sense of it all. She'd tell me whatever it is I need to hear.

She would say in that innocent voice, "Oh, I thought they were the referees!" A story for another time, but what a story! God, how I love that woman!

Yep, crying stinks.

I miss Mom and Dad.

What does a guy do?

I'm crying.

Do you want to know something?

Crying stinks


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Showing 1-6 of 6 comments
Submitted By: Kerry Gieger
posted on 7/8/2008 @ 8:06:21 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Crying may not be manly... but it is human.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: Sara Crowe
posted on 7/7/2008 @ 11:15:25 PM
(Not Rated)
Crying stinks. Crying as I write this...hope you can cry too...even though it stinks.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: Bill Boucher
posted on 7/7/2008 @ 10:38:36 PM
Rated Blog Entry
In our prayers. Drop me a line if you need a shoulder.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: Brian Crandall
posted on 7/7/2008 @ 3:14:27 PM
(Not Rated)
Your blog is being promoted as "From the Right". I dont see anything like that here.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: Michael Rule
posted on 7/3/2008 @ 6:32:27 AM
Rated Blog Entry
Crying is normal enough. When I lost my Dad I found myself crying at crazy times, months later. Tough tree guy driving a big truck down I-25 bawling his head off. I understand, Bill. I've been there.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: Gladys Mercier
posted on 6/30/2008 @ 6:20:14 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Nothing replaces your parents. You can be thankful for the good memories you have of them. They raised a good son. Praying for you.
[Report as objectionable]
Showing 1-6 of 6 comments
CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Bill Prather

Arvada , CO

Bill Prather has posted 82 blog entries and 328 comments since joining on 7/15/2006. Bill Prather 's average blog rating is 4.45.
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