March 10, 2007

Lannie's Clocktower Cabaret presents:

"The Patsy DeCline Show"

A Review by Stan Dyer

(Author's Note: I have been informed that the $9 drinks were the "premium" well drinks. Regular well drinks are available for $6 and $7 dollars. Also, the $35 price tag was for this show. Other shows run $10 and $20. The surcharge on the "romantic" booth is specifically for couples who want the entire booth to themselves. Others don't have to pay the charge.)

Built in 1910 and modeled after "The Campanile" at the Piazza San Marco in Venice, the Daniels and Fisher Tower on the 16th Street Mall in downtown Denver was once a department store and the tallest structure west of the Mississippi. Now, nearly 100 years later, the building is making new music and coming back to life. Lannie Garrett moved in.

She came with a truckload of talent, a shipment of experience and small satchel of charisma to create something new and exciting on the Denver night scene. It is a cabaret with all the variety of a "musical" department store and the potential to transform into the tallest structure of its kind west of the Mississippi.

Reviving the cabaret atmosphere with her partner, the Clocktower Cabaret is part "speak-easy," part nightclub and all entertainment. It is small (the fire marshal's limit is 161, but 100 is pushing it), it is uniquely decorated (working off the "clocktower" theme, there is a variety of timepieces on display) and it is most of all "fresh." There is nothing else quite like it in Denver, and certainly nothing like it on the 16th Street Mall.

Its location means you can park anywhere near 16th Street, and take the free mall shuttle right to the front door. There is also the Park Central building right across the street that no one seems to know about. It costs $5 to park there, where other local lots charge twice that. Whatever you do, skip the meters. Meters in the area run until 10 p.m. and will time out before the show ends.

When you see a show, expect to pay $35. They do not list prices, but that is what we paid per person for The Patsy DeCline Show, and I expect other shows are comparably priced. The tables are close together and elbow room is at a premium, but you will not mind once the show starts and Ms. Garrett starts to sing. You might want to think twice about the "romantic" booths. They are supposed to seat six (how romantic can that be?), but there are only two; one seat actually seats five and the other can handle seven. If you take either booth, you will pay regular ticket prices for each person and an additional $50 surcharge for the group.

Guests are encouraged to arrive 20 to 30 minutes early, even though the doors open one hour before the show, but there is no need to rush. The show started almost 15 minutes late when I went, and there seemed to be no urgency to correct that. Just relax and have a beverage.

I did not see any soft drinks on the menu, but I imagine a guest can order one. The "well" cocktails will run you $9 each, but there is also a full bar ranging everywhere from beer to cognac and $3 to $25, respectively. You can, of course, buy a bottle of vintage, bubbly or cognac starting at $14 for the Mionetto II, Prosecco and ranging all the way up to $350 for the Roederer Cristal. For snacks, there are eight appetizers available starting at $4 for a martini glass full of olives and going to the German Platter featuring chicken sausage for $10. Six desserts are available. The least expensive is the "world's smallest" Barbie-sized sundae for $2, and the top of the line is the "Masterpiece" sundae featuring 16 toppings and "two scoops." That is about it for the background information, what about the show?

We saw The Patsy DeCline Show, which has nothing at all to do with Patsy Cline and features none of her songs. Ms. Garrett in character as Patsy DeCline reminds the audience several times that she is "Patsy DeCline, queen of country music, not to be confused with a woman with a very similar name..." The show is a comedic parody of "aging" as seen from the point of view of a fictional, country western singer, but not at all limited to the scope of country western music. It is just one interpretation of life that takes humor mostly from hitting too close to home and mentioning subjects usually reserved for private conversation.

There are a lot of puns, many sight gags, and a number of re-used, re-written and mildly updated standards. It is a cute show that the audience seemed to love, but it was not great. Nonetheless, Ms. Garrett knows her audience, knows how to work them and knows many came just to see her perform. She plays the audience as easily as she belts out anything she puts her vocal chords on. You just have to hear her sing something, anything, to know why she has such a loyal following and why Denver loves her so much. This woman can sing.

Would I pay that money and sit through that show just to hear Ms. Garrett sing again? Yes. Every time she vibrates her vocal chords, she reaches into her little satchel of charisma and casts a spell. Say what you will about any type of "recorded" music, Lannie Garrett shows why there is nothing to replace a "live" performance. She exudes confidence and enchants with her voice like the Sirens enchanted Ulysses. Her band is top notch, too. They may be dressed like country bumpkins for the show, but this is no "garage", or should I say "barn dance," band. These people are consummate professionals who come to perform.

Lannie's Clocktower Cabaret will perform The Patsy DeCline Show Fridays and Saturdays through April (except St. Patrick's Day). Shows begin at 8 p.m., (8:15?). Tuesdays feature the Demented Divas Revue, Las Vegas-style comedy drag. Wednesdays are reserved for R&B, Motown, Soul and Funk. Thursdays are Pierre's Naughty Burlesque and Comedy nights. All shows begin at 8 p.m., unless they tell you otherwise. For something new, I encourage you to check out Lannie's "musical department store." The place has a few "bumps" to smooth out, but the potential is great, and it may become the largest structure of its kind west of the Mississippi.

I rate Lannie's vocal performance an "A+". It is the finest around. The club itself rates a "B." It has a nice atmosphere, but is a bit pricey. It is unique and different. The show, The Patsy DeCline Show, only gets a "C." It is just not that good. Without Lannie and the Band, it would not fly at all.

Lannie's Clocktower Cabaret, 16th Street Mall and Arapahoe, in the D&F Tower. Phone: 303-293-0075, reservations highly recommended. Doors open 7 p.m., shows start at 8 p.m. Information and reservations online at www.lannies.com

For private performances, Lannie Garrett Productions, 700 N. Colorado Boulevard, Suite 221, Denver, CO, 80206, Phone: 303-331-0744