As a parent one of my greatest desires is to "be there" for my children. I want both of us to be able to look back on their childhood and feel good about my involvement in their life. Much more than being a chauffeur, mentor, cheerleader, disciplinarian, provider, et cetera, I want each of them to be able to say, "Dad understood me. He connected with me. Because of his words, actions and presence I am convinced, in both my head and my heart, that he loves me." Why does this matter to me? Why does it matter to you? Because we both know, whether we are good at it or not, that the quality of our emotional connection plays a significant role in our children's development and well-being.

For years we have heard that Emotional Intelligence (defined as a combination of emotional and interpersonal skills) is predictive of success and happiness in life. However, research is demonstrating that the emotional connection between a parent and child is more important than specific coaching techniques on "how to succeed at school," "how to do your homework," "how to be a good friend," and so on.

Research confirms what our hearts tell us - emotional connection is one of the most important elements in a parent-child relationship.

• Children from emotionally available homes have better peer relationships.

• Children who have emotionally available relationships with their parents are less aggressive and less likely to be the targets of aggression from other children. They are also more socially skilled and less excluded by their peers.

• Children who have emotionally available relationships with their parents are more attentive in school and are seen by teachers as suffering less from the effects of learning-related issues.

Children from emotionally available homes seem to relate better with their teachers, engaging in less conflict with them as well as undue dependency.

Fortunately emotional availability is a quality of relationship rather than a personality trait. Regardless of your temperament, childhood experiences, relationship history or gender, you have the potential to nurture and improve the quality of communication and connection you have with your child.

If you are interested in developing this foundational aspect of your relationship with your child, I encourage you to consider participating in a research study I am conducting in Douglas County through the auspices of Colorado State University's Department of Human Development and Family Studies. We are studying the effectiveness of the Raising A Secure Child Video-Playback Parenting Program for helping parents and children (ages 0 to 14 years) become more emotionally available to one another. The program is based on 16 years of research conducted by Zeynep Biringen Ph.D., on the topic of emotional availability.

As a participant in this program you will learn to:

Identify personal strategies to connect

Assess the current status of your connection

Nourish and strengthen bonds with your child

Deal with behavior problems without creating emotional distance

Provide support for learning and making friends

Strengthen these bonds during times of stress

The 7-session program will be offered three times in Douglas County between now and October 1. Call Rich or Lauren at the CSU Extension Office 720.733.6926 or e-mail them at fcsinfo@douglas.co.us for more information. A detailed description of the class/study is online at www.douglascountyextension.org