It's funny how topics come up sometimes. I was discussing with a colleague the importance of language in everyday life, and he commented, "Well, it's OK as long as people know what I'm talking about". Yes, I suppose if he conveys his message, that statement is correct, but could he be conveying more messages than he intends? I pointed out that he would not go to a job interview dressed like Sean Connery but take the language of Jethro Bodine. He would still be the same person, but the message of his language would trump the crease on his suit. In many ways, the same is true in dining. The way we take our meals in polite company can make or break an evening.

Even if many of your meals are eaten from a cardboard box with a "spork", and your face is wiped clean with a paper napkin while sipping on a Pepsi, there may come a time when you will be faced with the dilemma of a formal or semi-formal dinner. Weddings, retirement parties, class reunions, and even business may present opportunities to present oneself properly at the feeding trough. I won't pretend to tell you what to wear, that is the subject of a different column, but, if you find yourself in front of place setting that appears to be for the entire table, yet it is all for you, there are a few guidelines you will want to follow.

First, keep in mind this is not the funnel cake vendor down at the rodeo. Chances are there will be no menu, no buffet and very few choices. It is likely that a multi-course meal is planned, and, just like the rodeo, all you have to do is hang on. If you need to gauge yourself, count the forks next to your plate. There should be one for every course, unless the host or hostess decides to bring new silver with each course. If that happens, you are on your own.

Next, reach into your pocket and turn off that cell phone, pager or anything else you might be carrying that could inadvertently start making noise and disrupt the meal. Take the napkin from your setting and place it on your right knee. Even if you are served barbecue ribs, do not tuck the napkin under your chin. The glasses to the top right of your place setting are yours, and, just as with your silver, should be used from the outside first working your way in. Just as you may enjoy several courses during your meal, you may also enjoy a number of beverages beginning with an aperitif and ending with a cordial.

Before you dive into your meal, make sure that everyone is served. Not only is it polite to wait for others before beginning, it also helps coordinate the timing of the meal. It is customary to wait for the host or hostess to begin, but once the picnic gets started, you are free to set your own pace. Just keep in mind that this is a social event and not a pie-eating contest. Also, remember those little rules that mom instilled in you from youth, such as not holding your fork as if it were a ball peen hammer, not slurping or gobbling, and keeping most of the food either on your plate or in your mouth rather than on the floor or on your lapel. Never use your utensils to "point", do not reach for or grab at food, and "imbibe", but do stay sober.

Finally, do not forget to socialize. This is the main purpose of such events. The consumption of food and beverage is secondary to act of meeting people, engaging in polite conversation, and enjoying each other's company. Avoid rude, boisterous and belligerent behavior even if that means ignoring the rude comment of another or staying off volatile topics.

At first, it may seem like a lot of pain to go through just to share a meal with friends, but, with a little practice, it will become as easy as tying your own tie. The formal or semi-formal dinner is a time honored tradition that, when approached properly and in the proper frame of mind, can actually be fun and rewarding. You do not have to be perfect and no one expects you to be, but following these few, basic guidelines will help enhance the overall experience and ensure your first such dinner will not be your last.