PART II: First of all I would like to apologize for not continuing this blog yesterday or Monday. I have been very sick and just did not feel up to it...
From my previous blog you can probably understand... things just weren't okay for me. Actually they sucked to put it mildly. If you rate pain on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, I was at about 8 on a daily basis. Every month or two my pain levels would reach a 10 and I would be forced to take a trip to the E.R.. On those days my blood pressure was close to 180/120 even though I had taken my pressure medication that morning. I got no exercise because I just plain hurt too much to move. Work, work was horrible. I have a tremendous work ethic, therefore I would sacrifice my daily happiness just to "make it through" a normal workday (in my field that is 10-12 hrs. a day). My attitude was horrible. My wife always would ask me "Why are you so defensive?" I think it was due to the fact I was on the defensive the minute I woke up. My body, in the form of nerve pain, would kick me in the teeth just to say hello every morning like clockwork. Honestly, I really hated the person I had become, and no matter how hard I tried to be different: that's who I was.
I was angry all the time. It was like I woke up everyday fighting a hopeless battle and had to act like everything was ok.
Guess what else was in the picture? Yep...ALCOHOL! Oh yea. Nothing the Doc's would give me for pain even hinted at taking the pain away. So in order to maintain sanity, (alcohol at least took the edge off and brought my pain levels down to a 6.5 or 7 out of 10) I potentially sacrificed my health with heavy drinking. A drink was the only thing on my mind everyday after work; as soon as I was home the bottle was cracked. This was extremely detrimental to my self-confidence, self-worth, and self-image as well. I didn't want to be the drunk of the family. My parents and little sister saw what was going on, and I know it tore them apart. Every girlfriend I had would complain about my drinking... I didn't care though.
My family didn't blame me for what I did... because at the same time they saw the agony I was in on a daily basis. They saw first hand, for over a decade, the level of pain I was in EVERY day. They also saw how after a few drinks the pain began to let up slightly. Don't get me wrong; I am not condoning this in the least. Alcohol is definitely not the answer. At the time I didn't care, the only thing I did care about was getting relief. My leg felt as if it were being crushed in a vice. I cried myself to sleep on more nights than I want to remember, that's if I did sleep at all.
Still I got up and went to work everyday. My ability to concentrate was severely debilitated, and I'm sure the quality of my work suffered greatly. It was very frustrating to want to work, to want to do the best job possible, and to have roadblocks thrown up in front of you constantly. I know life is not easy, there will always be these roadblocks I just spoke of, I woke up to them - and they kept me from sleeping. These roadblocks were ever present in EVERY aspect of my life.
My wife is crazy to be with me, or she loves me a lot. I think it's both.
About 4 years ago while working at USA Home Mortgage, LLC one of my coworkers mentioned a new type of pain control to me. He had seen Jerry Lewis (the old school actor / comedian) on TV promoting a device called the Nuerostimulator. This device used electrical pulses to block pain messages traveling up your spine. Interesting... I had tried about every anti-seizure and antidepressant out there to combat my neuropathy (nerve pain), why not try this? After the hospital I had a 100 mic Fentanol patch (synthetic morphine) on my back, and was using 3 mg injections of Dilauded (another synthetic morphine) every 3 hours. I stopped both medications after about 6 months. They didn't work what so ever, still living in horrible pain I was willing to try anything new. At this point my outlook on life was increasingly gloomy and I needed help... fast.
I did some research on this Nuerostimulator and found out it had been around for about ten years. I wondered why the Pain Clinic at University Hospital hadn't tried this. Maybe it didn't work on my variety of pain? I printed out some information on the stimulator and went to yet another appointment at the Pain Clinic. "Oh yes, this works for many people in your same situation." replies my pain doctor at the time. Really? Okay so why haven't we tried this YEARS AGO?!?!? In the meantime I have been essentially living in hell and drinking myself to death, thanks a lot. This goes to show it's just not the same priority when you are not the one suffering.
I bit my tongue, I didn't say anything that would get these guys on my bad side, they were possibly the only people that could help me. At this point we set up a surgery date for a temporary placement of the Nuerostimulator. Basically the procedure was to insert a hollow needle between my vertebra at a certain level in my back, then slide in a very thin electrode into my epidural space. I had to be awake through this whole process because I was to tell them where I felt the "tingling" sensation from the electrical pulses once the electrode was placed. After quite a bit of trial and error the sensation was in my leg where the majority of my pain was. This was somewhat difficult the doctor explained to me after surgery because my spine was actually twisted from all the trauma of the accident. I was to go on my way... test out the device for about a week and then report back to the pain clinic.
Well, it worked wonders! I was OUT OF PAIN. I felt like a normal person, like I could conquer the world. It was amazing. After a week I returned to the Pain Clinic and told them to place the permanent device because the temporary unit worked beautifully.
Thanks for reading, and I will post the final blog in the "hillbilly heroin" series tomorrow. Have a wonderful evening and God bless.
-Timothy J Miller
Timothy J Miller is a Mortgage Professional, Marketing Guru, and 45-day coma survivor residing in Aurora, Colorado for 31 years.