Hillbilly Heroin Part III

I know this is an extremely long blog, and I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read this.

I left off at the part in my life where I actually felt human again. This new Neurostimulator had worked wonders; the 1-week trail was the best week I experienced in a very long time. As I stated, I returned to the pain clinic overjoyed! "Yes, please place the permanent device, it worked great!"

At this point they removed the temp device and scheduled me for a permanent placement over a month down the road. What a tease! I feel great for a week then have to wait over a month to have that peace again. Oh well, I guess I can wait, it is worth it.

Finally the permanent placement takes place. I felt great for about a week afterwards... then the stimulator stops working. It was more of an irritant at this point; I immediately called the pain clinic and scheduled an appointment. The first opening was around a month down the road, which I settle for, I just want to fix this and be pain free again.

My appointment results in me going to x-ray, and shots of my back where the stimulator sits are taken. I then have to schedule another appointment 2 weeks down the road to discuss the findings. At that appointment the physicians tell me the placement of the electrode still looks good but it only needs to move a fraction of a hair and it will no longer effect the same area. I am scheduled for another surgery to place a new electrode.

I went through this 5 times! I would feel great for a week... then like clockwork the stimulator would stop working. After my 5 th failed surgery I retuned to the pain clinic and said, "This just is not working. We're close... but all of the pain I have to go through from surgery is not worth one-week of relief from my nerve pain." See, not only do they place the electrode in my spine; they cut me open and place a battery / control pack in my lower back and burrow wires up through many muscles to the electrode in my spine. The battery pack basically feels like a pacemaker if you have ever seen or felt one. All of this is extremely painful and I have more scars than I can count by now.

After 5 failed percatanious (the electrode is threaded into my epidural area with a needle and the epidural fluids are essentially expected to harden around the electrode and keep it in place) electrode placements the pain clinic felt I needed what is called a paddle. A paddle lead (or electrode) consist of the electrode actually being stitched to the derma (the casing around your spinal cord). This required drilling holes in my vertebra and had to be administered by a full-blown Neurosurgeon.

I waited 4 months for my 6 th, and supposedly much better electrode placement. Finally the day of surgery arrived and as expected, I was ready to feel human again. The surgery was brutal. I once again had to be conscious the entire time. I heard and felt the pressure of the surgeon drilling holes in my spine and chiseling out what bone the drill missed. I was awake and remember the doctor cutting a 9-inch incision down my back, using spreaders to spread my skin and muscle away from the target area. And if that wasn't bad enough, after the surgery was complete... and the anesthesia wore off, I felt as if someone was playing xylophone on my back with a couple of ball-peen hammers.

The pain was miserable. My hospital stay, post-op, lasted 3 days. The nurses were extremely rude; I had to beg for pain medication. I ended up telling one nurse "Look, I didn't break my ankle, I had holes drilled in my spine and a piece of metal sewn to my spinal cord!!! Can I please have my medicine, I would get better treatment at home with prescription meds!" This methodworked with that particular nurse and she was finally civil with me, but once her shift was over... along came another rude nurse with much better things to do than give me my pain meds when they are due. Honestly, the nurses made me feel like a junkie. Was I doing something wrong? The pain was excruciating, I knew that, I felt it, and I know pain first hand... should I have to beg for pain meds and ring my little nurse bell 5 times before anyone pays attention to me?

I was mad, furious, and distraught! Excuse my slang... but I was like; "Dude! I have INSURANCE... you are getting paid for this... I'm helping pay your salary. You don't mind cashing your checks do you? Look at me! I was just cut open, all the muscles in my back pried aside, holesDRILLED in my SPINE, metal stitched to my spinal cord!!! Can I have a Vicoden, please?" Ridiculous!!!

By the way, the hospital this took place at was University Hospital on 9 th and Colorado. I have been to many hospitals due to my massive injuries, for many months, and have never been degraded and treated as horribly as I was at University Hospital.

This surgery worked! I was convinced this time I was ok! I went out and got a very good job as a Marketing Manager with a nationwide construction company. The world was my oyster. And look, the doctors stitched this thing to my spinal cord... it is not going to move this time. WRONG!!! Four weeks later the pain came back and the stimulator stopped working. Bummer man!

Suicide became more of an option. I was so depressed that I quit my job. I had major responsibilities that I could not handle in a mentally crippled, pain riddled state. Talk about feeling hopeless, worthless, and many other negative self-portrayals. I haven't even been married for a year... to the most beautiful woman I have ever met or seen, both inside and out. What is she going to think? Is she going to leave me now that she realizes how hopeless my situation is? Will I ever be out of pain? Will I ever live a normal life? Will I ever make her happy? She says I do... but I don't feel like it. I feel worthless, a burden on everyone around me.

I set another appointment with the Pain Clinic. Of coarse this was close to a month down the road... so in the meantime I will just sit at home and live off my wife's income. Yeah, awesome! Makes you feel real great about yourself. The pain clinic suggested yet another placement. This time amazingly enough, my surgery date was only two weeks down the road.

So here we go again. Spinal surgery number 7! Everything was the same as I described above. Horrible surgery. Treated like an animal and forced to beg for pain meds post-op. And the best part is, the pain was there while I was still in the hospital recovering. The stimulator did nothing to block the pain this time. Well, at least I wasn't given a false sense of hope this go-roundand led to believe life would be okay.

A week after my 7 th surgery I visited my primary care physician (who is an amazing doctor by the way) for a post-op check up. I told her that the stimulator was not working. She lifted my shirt up to examine the incision and was visiblyangry. "This is ridiculous! They are treating you like a human cutting board!" Which I agree with totally, my back and the scars on it look like a road map of downtown Denver.

"I'm going to get my office manager to research other options for you. The Pain Clinic seems as if they have their head stuck in a pigeon hole!" I AGREE DOC!!! Finally, after over a decade of misery someone is on my side. That is a great feeling. Also she wrote me a prescription for 40 mg Oxycontin, to be taken every 12 hours.

I go to Walgreens to "cash in" my prescription, and as I approached the pharmacy there is a store employee talking to the pharmacist. I hear, "Blah...blah... blah... drug addiction. Have you heard of these kids doing Oxycontin?" The pharmacist replies, "Yeah they call it Hillbilly Heroin. They crush it up and sniff it." That's the first time I had heard the expression Hillbilly Heroin in regards to Oxycontin myself but it made mefeel great about filling my script.

I walk up to the pharmacist and say; "I need to fill this prescription for Hillbilly Heroin." After looking at my script I could tell the pharmacist was somewhat embarrassed, but so what! You work in a Pharmacy! Act like a professional.

I take the prescription home... at 8 pm when my pills are due I sit there staring at the bottle. Should I take this? Am I going to end up on that TV show "Intervention" if I do? My mom and wife sitting there crying because her son/husband is a pill popping drug addict. Well... I took it, and for over a month now I have been COMPLETELY pain free. I wake up and go to sleep HAPPY not ANGRY. I don't hurt and it is amazing. My wife says, "Wow, you're actually nice now." I think it may be because I don't feel like my leg is being run through a wood chipper all day long, but I'm not sure. LOL. It is amazing how living with pain, or without pain can change you.

I have a couple points in this blog:

1) There are posters for Oxycontin all over the place at the Pain Clinic. My research online about Oxycontin has told me that it is a drug designed for Neuropathy (nerve pain, which is what I suffer from),that requires long-term use (mainly). Why didn't the doctors at least try this drug with me? Were they afraid it would relieve my pain and they wouldn't get to experiment with their new Neurostimulator technology? I admit... I was the ideal candidate. Seven surgeries and if my Doc wouldn't have prescribed this medication I would be going back for my 8 th. Over a decade of misery... that could have been solved by a small little pill availablesince 1995, the year of my accident. Thanks University Hospital... you give me a whole new perspective on the term "PRACTICING Medicine". Well, you are done practicing on me, thank you!!!

2) If you are ever disrespected, degraded, or ignored at a hospital or by a doctor or nurse... do not ignore it! Stand up for yourself and for your right to be treated like a human being. NEVER, put up with that... because you will find: there are those that keep getting stepped on, and those they don't dare step on. Which would you rather be? Be one they don't dare step on... it is their job.

3) Pill Popper. Yeah, you've said it before. And maybe you were right. Then again there are many of us out there that NEED these prescription drugs just to function in normal everyday life. I have a handicapped plaque in my car... legally. Do you know how many times (especially around the holidays) I put up my plaque, get out of my car and hear "Excuse me... are you even disabled?" Look, I know I'm young, I know I'm sexy as hell and so is my wife... but that doesn't mean I'm not all screwed up physically. Who the heck are you... "The Handicapped Police"? Well, put away your badge honorary deputy... I'm legit. I wont tell you what I really feel like saying to these people, because I'll probably be banned from posting blogs here anymore if I do. I'm so tired of the stares and the comments. Walk a mile in a person's shoes before you even think of judging that person. If not, it can prove very embarassing for you... especially if you are dealing with me, I'll make ya cry! LOL. Seriously though...

The same is true with Oxycontin. I don't want to tell my family (extended) I'm taking this medication because I'm afraid they wont understand. The media has really hurt people like me. Where did the name "Hillbilly Heroin" come from anyhow? The media created that name! Thanks guys. Now that I have finally found a medication that Ifeel I can live a normal life on, (after over a decade of SEVERE pain) I have to keep it in the closet like it's something to be ashamed of.

I'm going to treat anyone who has something bad to say about Oxycontin just as I treat those who confront me about my handicapped plaque. You have just shown me your level of intelligence, no matter how smart you think you are,let me tell you: you are quite a few notches below me. LOL. Seriously though....

People stop being so judgmental. Are you perfect? The people who abuse Oxycontin are... well yes, you guessed right; CRIMINALS! Someone like me - should be able to tell my boss I take the drug, well... unless I'm a pilot or bus driver or something, then I should find another career. But the reality of the situation is that I cannot. The media has put such a bad spin on Oxycontin and has not illustrated the benefits of the drug, that telling my boss or family that I take Oxy isdetrimental for someone like me. It shouldn't be like that!

I'm tired of typing and I'm sure you are tired of my ranting. Thank you for reading this and I hope it helps you be less judgmental.

And if you must take Oxycontin, I hope this makes you feel like more of a normal person and less of a deviant. That was my MAIN goal, to let you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS,and you have nothing to be ashamed of! Keep your head up, life is hard enough for us, why worry about the small stuff. Be glad you are alive!!!

God bless you all, this country, and our troops.

-Timothy J Miller

Timothy is a social deviant who consumes the drug Oxycontin when he can't find Heroin (even though he is allergic to morphine and probably heroin as well), Xtacty, Meth, or good quality Cocaine. Watch your wallet when he is around cuz you know those Oxy users can't be trusted, even the grandmothers. They steal, rob, and commit violent crimes. Where is the DEA when you need them?

This blog was brought to you by: "Americans Against Oxy Addicts".