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I Wish It Would All Be Over Now
I wish with all my heart that I graduate and I can get all of this stress off of my back, I feel like I am going to jump off a building if I don't. This last couple of years of high school and my life have been so stressful, I just want to relieve it.

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~EvelynsBUbbLE

How I became a mommy with so much stress
Contributed by: Evelyn Garcia   on 5/13/2007

I was sixteen when everything started. I was having problems at home with my parents, constantly running away from home and hardly ever going to school. I mean who doesn't, right? In one of those occasions I decided, with my boyfriend, let's begin our own family this way Ican finally be away from mine. At least that was what I thought. We were planning every detail in starting a family like getting tested, taking the prenatals before I was pregnant, planning where we would live, how we would take care of our lillte one, and counting the days and months it would take us.
We got pregnant after six months of trying, even though we were hoping that we would get pregnant after a year. We were so happy with the news only that by thattimeeverything at my house was going better than ever, and my now husband and I were in shock because we didn't think it would happen so soon.
After a month I began with really bad morning sickness, I lost 15 lbs, I was worried, and I began missing even more school because of the weight loss and my pregnancy I had absolutely no energy to get up from bed. I was literally in bed through out the first trimester of my pregnancy (the first 3 months in a pregnancy). My grades at school were like crap. I was faling all my classes and most of them were AP classes that I just decided to drop them and have regular classes. Well I ended up only passing I believe two classes through out the entire 2005/2006 school year.
On the 25th day of June at 7:30pm I was induced because my doctor was worried I wouldn't go into labor and I was already two weeks past my due date. It started off by softening my cervex with supositories. Then after24 hours with the help of pottosin my contractions began and after eightand a half hours later at 4 in the morning I was finally dialated to the full 10cm and ready to deliver. I was forced to rush my daughter out and since I was struggling in doing so I asked my doctor to "cut me" because they wanted to use the vaccuum to pull my daughter out and I didn't want that. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl weighing 6 pounds 14.9 ounces and 21 inches long.
The first couple of days at home with my daughter were definately tiring but I got used to it after getting her on a scheduled feeding that definately took time.
By August my daughter was two months and school was going to start on the 21st of the month. I didn't want to drop out not then and not now. I wa reinstated at Montbello High School and the first nine weeks were great. Better than now anyways. My mother would watch my daughter on her days off which were Wednesday and Thursday. Since my older brother was currently unemployed at the time, he would watch Yaretzy for me during the week when my mom wasn't home. That's when I had no worries about graduating.
In November of 2006 my brother got sick of being home all day with my daughter and found a job as a hotel maintenance guy. That's when my real stress began. My brother worked during the week and once in a long while he would have two days off during the week. So I only had my mom on Wednesday and Thursday. That wasn't enough and my teachers don't really seem to care that I am a mother who has to stay at home with my baby because I have no actual trusting person to watch my daughter.
And so, through out the school year I have been failing and passing classes. After first semester ended and Christmas break began I started calling up aunts and uncles, cousins, neighbors and close friends yet nobody could help me because they either lived too far and time was an obstacle or they had to work. Crap I was in a more difficult situation because I really want to graduate from high school and be off with my life but if I don't have anyone to watch my daughter I won't be able to graduate.
My stress is piling upon top of one another and with one semester left of high school I don't want to deal with it anymore. Iwent tospeak with my assistant principle and he helps me out a lot and gives me hopes again of graduating.
Now three days before senior check-out I am doing good except I am failing two classes that I need to graduate. What the hell am I going to do? There is so much work that I have to do in order to pass the class and I don't know if I am going to make it.
This is the part where I cry every night talking things over with my husband about how I won't graduate and that I don't want to go through the same thing all over again next year for two classes that I need that I told him I'm done.
The sad semi-ending to this chapter in my life is that if I don't graduate, that's it for me. I won't be going back to school. My decision is made up, I either finish now or it will be never. And it's really sad and depressing because that's not who I once was. I was a smart, intelligent, hard working girl who didn't give up yet now that I have a daughter everything comes to an end for me and now it's all about her so I tell myself--my life isn't mine anymore, it's Yaretzy's.
In three days whether I graduate or I never finish high school I will still have my daughter who is the most important person to me and that's that. There will be no more school for me not in the next four or so years anyway. I just hope that all the stress I am having right now will go away after this is all through and buried because I'm done with high school.


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Showing 1 of 1 comments
Submitted By: Julius Vaughns
posted on 5/14/2007 @ 9:52:42 AM
Rated Blog Entry
Great blog entry Evelyn! Can't wait to see more from you!
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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Evelyn Garcia

Denver , CO

Evelyn Garcia has posted 1 blog entry and 0 comments since joining on 5/13/2007. Evelyn Garcia 's average blog rating is 5.
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