I know you probably think that a dull guy like a therapist spends most of his time thinking about how to help folks quit smoking or drinking, or chasing after symptoms of scary mental illnesses. Well, that is true. But one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with was something very positive and not in the least bad for me: Moving. I moved my family to Colorado to pursue a new job, and a series of events were set into motion that I was not prepared for. For a long time after that, everything seemed to go downhill.

Since most folks in the Denver area today are transplants from some other part of the world, I wonder how many of you have had bouts with the "movin' blues?" Everybody knows about baby blues, depression after job loss, or even what it takes to restore athletes after losing the big game. But if my experience is any example, I am here to tell you that moving blues can be just as tough as any of those things.

For the longest time, I simply believed that there was something wrong with Colorado that had been hidden from me until I moved here. It didn't feel like the wonderland I had set my sights on and loaded up and moved to. That place was a paradise filled with bliss that could cure all my ills. I was surprised when the wonderland could not overcome the sadness and loneliness I felt after being uprooted from my home state. It was more than culture shock - it was grief.

Years of attachment to one place, any place, causes familiarity and comfort that you can really miss for a while after moving to a new place. I didn't move around a lot as a kid, so I rely on stories from my friends and relatives to help me understand what I went through. Those who moved a lot because of parent's job transfers or military assignments say that they worked hard at not making attachments to people and things when they were kids moving around the country or the world, but they all say that there came a time when they had had enough. They wanted to stop moving because it was too hard on them. They helped me understand that most of us naturally prefer to be in familiar surroundings with people and things that make us happy. Once that happens, it is just as natural that we will miss them or have some sorrow when we leave them.

I have learned a lot from kids who have had to relocate to live with other family members after one of their parents died. Many times, they struggle just as mightily with the change of circumstances as with the death. And, the change of circumstances makes it much harder for them to deal with the death, because they now have a new world and new challenges interfering with their grief process.

Don't think it funny that I am using the word "grief" right along with moving. The mental health profession considers moving to be one of life's greatest stressors, and many other problems seem to occur at about the same time as the move. Could it be because we don't give account of our "moving' blues", and they creep in and mess up how we feel about ourselves, our loved ones, or our new place? I think so.

When I moved to Denver in 1996, I noticed more moving vans on the streets than taxi cabs. I saw the buzz and excitement associated with relocating to a rapidly growing place quickly give way to a deep sadness. I also noticed that ignoring it doesn't help, it only makes things worse. For one thing, I was annoying everyone in my family all the time. I couldn't enjoy anything. I ached to have my old friends back, and at the same time felt like I had somehow betrayed my family, both by bringing them here and then by feeling badly about it. After all, I was the reason we had all come to wonderland. The good news for me is that my family didn't get depressed about the move. I was the only one. And it didn't make sense. I was the one most familiar with Denver, having visited a lot over the years. It was I who jumped for joy when a company here was interested in hiring me and moving me out. I had said for ten years that it was the only other place I really wanted to live if I left my old place. So why was I sad?

I now know that the sadness I felt was nothing to be ashamed of. I also know that it made me see things in a distorted way for a while. In some cases, serious depression can develop for some people. If it does, that person could use the help of a good physician or therapist just like any other depressed person. Others need only understand that the loneliness and awkwardness you feel will begin to change after things become more familiar. Either way, it is quite alright to acknowledge your feelings and mourn the loss of your old place and old relationships.

Parents would be well advised to not try to talk their kids out of the "movin' blues" just because the move was good for the family or that there is a wonderful school where they will make new friends, or whatever other good things you might say. Caretakers need to treat the "movin' blues" in kids just like the death of a pet or a loved one. A strong connection to important people or places has been broken, and it is quite natural that they will feel a void for a while. We grieve what we are connected to. Fighting it or trying to rationalize it away only conveys to the child that adults are trying to diminish their pain, leaving them feeling unsupported in a time of need. They will be more encouraged to explore and embrace their new place if they know you appreciate how they feel about having left the old place.