Welcome to Bill and Judy Boucher's year end review. We would like to thank our sponsors: Joe's House of Pocket Lint, The Oklahoma Wedding Dress and Shotgun Emporium, and The Scandinavian Yak Groomers Association. Remember, this annual high brow literary effort is made possible only by the generous support of readers like you. Please give until you are moderately uncomfortable.
January seemed a likely month to begin the year. Bill spent much of January decompressing from the rigors of another holiday in retail. As it turns out, constantly smiling and commending people on their gift purchasing acumen while secretly thinking, "Dude, just buy anything. She's going to know you waited until 5:30 on Christmas Eve anyway," can be very stressful. "So would you like me to wrap these men's steel toe boots for her?" Judy and I also celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. I had a heck of a time convincing her that the fifth anniversary was the "Ramen" anniversary. We also won a trip to Disneyworld because I had been awarded the title of Greatest Shoe Store Manager and Stuffer of Big Feet into Too Small Shoes, during the previous year's back to school rush. Good times were had by both.
February followed January as it sometimes does. We always try to stuff a lot of living into February. We hate to see it all sad, knowing it only has only twenty eight days and all. We had just put the finishing touches on our taxes and were anxiously waiting on our return. We had decided to spend our return on his and hers diamond grills for our pearly whites. Imagine our surprise when we found out that one is not actually allowed to do this unless he has a notarized copy of a rap recording contract. I tried to bluff, telling the dentist my rap name was Four Bits, and exploded into a flaming rendition of "Green Eggs and Ham" complete with Judy doing beat box, but he wasn't having any.
March came in like an Ocelot. Not so much a lion, but still a ruggedly handsome month by any account. Bill went to Evansville, Indiana to play poker and drink beer with other shoe store managers. This was in the guise of his company's annual meeting. He came back with a lot of free crap from shoe vendors, a cold that would last for a month and a half, and a raging case of beer splats. Judy went to Austin, Texas over the same time period to visit her sister and brother-in-law, Cindy and Gus. Judy visited the capitol building and tried several times to get Texans to spontaneously sing "Deep in the Heart of Texas" with her. All attempts were unsuccessful. We also attended our favorite Denver Brass performance, "Bagpipes and Brass." Unfortunately, we had to leave early as Bill had a forty minute coughing fit in the bathroom during which he would not have been surprised to see his shoes come out of his mouth.
The first week of April was hectic as Bill made preparations at work for the Easter rush. Bill likes this holiday a lot as he gets to wear his bunny ears that make the "poing" noise at work. He also gets to use a lot of great puns when he's greeting customers, too. "I'm so hoppy to see you!" Or, "Please excuse me; I'm having a bad hare day." Sometimes he even stands on the counter and says, "You're just in time. The deals are hare raising!"
Of course, he finds the whole celebration of redemption a pretty outstanding part of the holiday as well. Judy started volunteering at a Mayfly hospice. This was ideal as she is a very busy person, and they only live one day.
With the beginning of May, we celebrated the final week of winter (in Colorado anyway). We also celebrated Judy's birthday. We attended the viewing party for the championship game our local lacrosse team, the Mammoth, at a sports bar and then spent the night at a lovely bed and breakfast. Although the proprietors were generally accommodating, our requests for inversion boots and goose feathers went unheeded.
An unseasonably warm June descended upon us as a chicken with a ten pound butt and a fever would descend upon her egg. Not that we went to the air conditioned theater a lot, but the management drew the line when we started bringing in changes of clothes. We also hosted Judy's niece and nephew, Autumn and Tyler, further reinforcing the notion that becoming medically unable to breed was, indeed, a good decision.
July historically marked Bill's fortieth year on the planet. All who know him were truly astounded that he has made it this far given his love of carbohydrates and his Gerald Ford like dexterity. We also traveled to Kansas to see mom and Dee. It is a good thing they are great people. Otherwise, going to Kansas in July is like going to hell in July, only hotter.
It was so hot; Bill could have deep fried an antelope in his drippings. We're not saying he sweated a lot, but Meat Loaf looked at him and said, "Damn. That guy's got a serious problem."
August was a blur. It started with the first Boucher family reunion in fifteen years. After looking at the bar tab, the folks at Holiday Inn said we could come back any time. You know you are hanging with serious drinkers when Paris Hilton says, "Geez. You know, cutting back on the boozing would be hot." The rest of August fluttered by as Bill was busy getting ready for and living through Back to School at his store. Judy also worked at the store in August in an effort to spend more time with her alleged husband. Judy was duly impressed by Bill's ability top stand on his feet for twelve hours a day, but was mistaken in the assertion that his parents were never married. To quote, "Someone please cut off my feet. You did this to me you (bleep)."
September marked the first full month of dieting for us after we had seen the pictures from the family reunion. We're not saying we looked hefty, but we took up so much film, Walgreen's charged us twice for the developing. We began a regimen of walking at least three mornings a week and cutting foods out of our diets that would make a goat puke. We also took in a baseball game with Bill's new friends from the website he writes for. We thought we had also witnessed an eclipse, but it turned out to be a false alarm as it was only Barry bonds coming up to bat.
October was uneventful other than Bill winning us a trip to Vegas by painting himself blue; so much for his mom's theory that holding his breath until he was blue in the face would never get him anywhere. We will go there in December. Judy was busy at work as her boss crashed his bicycle and was out for five weeks with a broken collar bone. To quote Chris: "I'd never been airborne without a plane before, and I just figured the time was right."
November was spent getting ready for Black Friday as retail folks call it. People with lives call it the day after Thanksgiving. This involves six weeks of planning to do one week's sales in one day. It's like training a month for the hundred meters and then running a marathon. Not that it was a long day, but by the end of it, Bill was receiving mail from the AARP. We spent a lovely Thanksgiving with friends, and then watched their son's hockey game.
We ended the year with December, as we typically do. We are looking forward to our Vegas trip and celebrating another Christmas together. Bill will participate in Tuba Christmas again this year; just several hundred tubas and euphoniums ringing in the season with lots of good music. It's kind of like just the tenors and the baritones in your church choir going caroling. Judy will be busy looking for Christmas cards for Bill that say something about some bodily function.
Overall, it's been a good year. See you in twelve months.