It is with no small trepidation that I write a review about the Boulder Ballet. I mean, I can name about 10 times as many good microbrews than I can famous dancers.

And, as little as I know about dance, in general, I know even less about ballet.

But I can, without reservation, tell you that after attending a grand total of two (2) Boulder Ballet performances, I can, without reservation, recommend the Boulder Ballet to beer drinkers everywhere.

"Why?" you might ask. Well, here's my reasoning:

· The Boulder Ballet keeps performances short and interesting. I know what you are thinking: that is, there are no ballet performances that are short and interesting. But this is a mistake born of you never going to any dance performances except the obligatory Nutcracker Suite. About 90 percent of people who attend ballets go to the Nutcracker, which runs about two hours and thirty minutes, on a good night. As much as I like Tchaikovsky, I've got to agree that's way too long. Boulder Ballet tends to keep things at an hour and 30 minutes, even with an intermission that is long enough for you to sneak out and have a beer. Their recent show, Ballet Without Borders, required a short enough attention span to allow for beer drinkers, small children and even journalists.

· You need to do this. I'm pretty sure that 97.835 percent of all women have at one time or another dreamed of being a ballerina. Well, 97.834 percentdidn't make it. But that's not to say that they don't like to dream about it for an hour or two. Think of it as worth three or four of these: "But honey, I really need to watch this game." And Ballet without Borders was a good example of a show with enough diversity to keep you interested, with songs ranging from Joni Mitchell's Black Crow to a bluegrass piece, Light Fandango, by Edgar Meyer, Mark O'Connor and Old Blind Dogs. Their Mother's Day show is probably going to be dances from An American in Paris. The term, "two birds" mean anything to you?

· Ballerinas are, well, sexy. And your wife or girlfriend can't slap you for staring. You are supposed to be staring. I'm probably going to get in trouble for saying this, because you really should marvel at the amazing athleticism and musical precision these people possess. But I think my favorite piece from Without Borders, Come Undone, illustrates the point. A real review would probably talk about how the choreographer, James Wallace, used the entire stage in a wonderfully engaging point and counterpoint between dancers moving on their own and then joining in unison. I kept thinking, "Hey this dance is about relationships and sex."


I get to say things like that when I'm writing a review.

· These people are talented. It always amazes me that you can go to a show in your hometown and see this much talent. I could go on and on about the women in this troupe, but, of course, I'd be making a fool of myself. Peter Davidson, the executive director and principal male dancer, choreographed most of the first set and obviously has a nice touch with humor and fun. Lance Hardin of Denver was a nice addition for this show as a principal dancer in my favorite piece, Come Undone. There were three high-school kids, Alex Davison, Ben Goodman and Jacob Taylor dancing in this show, as well, who were very good. I''m pretty surethe latter three brought their own cheering section of high school girls.

Why do I bring this up to beer drinkers everywhere? Well, because for much of the performance I kept asking myself, "Why was it that I quit musical theater to play rugby? What exactly was I thinking?"

One final note, however, beer drinkers. There's no beer at the after-show gatherings, just wine and water. You are going to have to sneak in your own.

But you didn't hear that here.