BH: Where were you brought up?

wn: I grew up in a tiny town in Washington state called Palouse. A neighboring town, Garfield, and Palouse combined middle and high schools, but even with the combination, a large graduating class would have 25-30 students. Palouse had one grocery store, no gas station, and three taverns most of the years I lived there. If you didn't farm or play sports, you were an outcast. Guess what I was?

BH: I take it you were living in New York while writing these zines?

wn: Yes. I first heard about zines from Michelle, a high school friend who introduced me to Riot Grrrl music. We made a one-issue-wonder zine called M.A.R.Z. (Michelle and Rachel zine) and she gave me the pen name willow (she was Pearl). We tucked the zine into random lockers at the high school. I moved out of state for a while, so that was one reason we didn't continue making the zine. When I graduated high school I moved to Kingston, NY to get as far away from my family as possible without leaving the country. I had already been writing poetry for five years and had a self-published poetry book (the rape booklet) and an open mic under my belt, so I quickly entered the zine and poetry scene in Upstate New York. I settled on a more formal version of the rape booklet, which has always been passed out for free, and then self-published a book of poetry called insanity's kiss. I started the zine Speaking My Truth (SMT) with the intention of having the first issue be all about me/by me and subsequent issues to be written by other people, with only layout and the introduction by me. While SMT was an instant hit, it took a long time to receive regular submissions. In the meantime, I discovered that I had a lot to write about and enjoyed writing the zine cover to cover.

BH: (I interned at BUST over the summer. Heard of those gals? They started out stapling papers together in their basement and now have a full-blown,glossy mag about "women with something to get off their chest." Do you know of any other publications that started this way? Or, if you've heard of BUST, what's your take on it?)

wn: [Blushing.] No, I hadn't heard of BUST until I read your blog. Most of the zines I collected over the years have been donated to Gary, a friend from Garfield who is passionate about zines. If any of those zinesters ever make it glossy, Gary probably has the first print of the cut and paste issues. Gary and I weren't friends in high school, in fact, the only time we spent together in high school was one afternoon at Tyson's place eating Jell-O shots from a broken casserole dish. We all survived eating glass and have all continued writing, though Gary is the only one who has consistently published a zine over the past decade.

BH: Where do you reside currently?

wn: Five years ago I could proudly say "Chicago" but now I live in a suburb of Chicago ... and feel like I should feel guilty for it. My significant other and I don't have a city lifestyle, so we chose an apartment in the least offensive suburb that is close to the train and my job.

BH: How old are ya now?

wn: If you get this on Sunday [May 13], 29; if you get it on Monday [May 14], 30. Ooooh, the big 3-0! As a teen, I had a vivid image of me as an 80-year-old woman: sitting in a rocking chair, white hair, long comfy dress, and lots of young women around me who wanted to hear stories about my life. I never imagined what I would look/be like in the decades leading up to 80 though. Turning 30 is no different for me than turning 29 or any other age, no matter how hard I tried to freak myself out the past few weeks about turning 30.

BH: What was life like THEN (when writing the zines) as compared to NOW?

wn: Chaos. Absolute chaos. The things that happened to me that made the poetry and zine necessary were horrific. Even though I was no longer experiencing or witnessing the abuse, I recreated those experiences with self-destructive choices, all the while proclaiming to be free from the abuse. I'm still not quite sure what to make of that. I know that the re-creation of abuse was my attempt to feel like I was in control, whereas when I was a child, I had no control. But it wasn't until five years ago that I realized that while I may have been in control initially by setting myself up for abuse as an adult, I could not control what those chosen abusers would do once I stepped away from them. And now? My significant other and I just celebrated our five-year anniversary, I am getting closer to receiving my associate degree, and I am a total bike freak. I am more likely to ride off some steam than write off some steam these days. I am the current editor of The Derailleur, a Chicago Critical Mass zine that is passed out for free at the monthly bike rides in downtown Chicago. A friend bought me some awesome thigh-high tights that will go great with my super-short shorts and tassels at the first warm ride this year. Obviously, I still like to shock others, but I'm no longer doing it in a self-destructive manner.

BH: What initially motivated you to start your own zine?

wn: Knowing that I would die if I didn't write about my life. Writing has been my way of healing.

BH: How did you get other girls to work for you?

wn: The opportunity to be published - in a zine or "for real" elsewhere - is hard to pass up. Once people saw that I was consistently publishing SMT every month, the submissions (from guys too) flowed in. Near the end of SMT's life, I was spending a lot of time with Charlana (my advice columnist) and was honored to include her in the zine.

BH: How did you get the word out?

wn: I bugged all my pen pals, picked up zines in New Paltz (a college town) to do trades, and left SMT everywhere. Since I was active in the open mic scene, I already had a following (genuine fans, people who wanted to silence me, and people fascinated by how and what I wrote) so it was easy to get the zine out there.

BH: Where did you print everything? How many copies would you distribute at a time?

wn: I made the zine at work, printed it at a copy shop, and my best guess is that a short run was 50-100, all of which I numbered.

BH: Where did you leave copies? How did you establish it with businesses? Did anyone reject them?

wn: I left the zines at bookstores, coffee shops, music stores, bars, tattoo shops, guitar stores, restaurants, anywhere! If a place had free stuff by the door, I'd look through it and then drop my zines there. I didn't ask for permission. Some shop owners said they looked forward to the zine and some (a tattoo shop and a video store) banned me. Oh, and I had to switch copy shops because my regular shop banned me.

BH: How did you set up the mini-local ads in your zines?

wn: If I liked a place, I'd promote it. They were free ads and I don't recall any businesses complaining to me about them.

BH: Seems like you received a lot of response. Tell me about how much mail or e-mail you'd receive and go into detail about certain people that stick out.

wn: Back then, I received more mail than e-mail, and I have always received more responses from the rape booklet than SMT. People sent cash, checks (one bounced!), tea, stamps, coupons for free ice cream, hate mail, fan mail, zines, stories, poetry, photos, and their personal stories about how they never told anyone about what their dad, grandpa, uncle, boyfriend, etc. did to them until they read my writing. One friend donated tons of paper to keep the rape booklet in print and most of my friends helped with distribution. One letter that stands out was from a woman who loves Jesus. She wrote, "You have your truth and I have my truth, but Jesus is The Truth." I am not sure why she felt compelled to send me that message, since I thought my disclaimer has always been in the zine's title.

BH: It's amazing how speaking up about personal experiences with rape and/or sexual assault opens doors for others to tell their own story. I've definitely noticed that with close friends and family, and it's a real shame that many victims live in a world of silence and secrecy, thinking they're all alone. If I had my hands on your zines during some of the worst months of my life, it would have helped tremendously. What's your take on common misconceptions of sexual assaults? When I first arrived at CU, all freshman girls were given a whistle - and told to watch their drinks and told to watch out for the "man in the bushes" - but nothing was ever said about acquaintance rape. Any action taken is always aimed at what women should do to protect themselves - but nothing ever focused on the attacker. What's your opinion?

wn: I am sorry about what happened to you and that you didn't have anyone to talk to. I think that every community should have Take Back the Night (TBTN) events and that men should be encouraged to show support by attending these events and by respecting any women-only spaces set up for women who need a safe place to be. Acquaintance rape should be the focus since this is more common than assaults by strangers. [Correct me if I am wrong!] That women are told how to protect themselves seems to reinforce the idea that women can somehow prevent attacks - when, in reality, the attacker is the only one who can prevent attacks. I am not sure how to express myself about this. TBTN events helped me feel better about my own experiences, yet I haven't thought much about how men can support women or how attacks can be prevented in the first place.

BH: By writing everything you wanted, did you inspire other girls to do the same and write or start their own publications?

wn: I am not sure if any of the girls who wrote to me started their own zine, but many girls said that they couldn't talk about what they had been through until reading my poetry and/or zines.

BH: By writing about your experiences, did you get other friends to open up?

wn: Not really. I mostly recall strangers writing to me from all over the country that had been impacted by my writing.

BH: If you hadn't been able to write, how do you think you would have coped with everything?

wn: I don't think I would be alive today if I hadn't chosen poetry and zines as a way to heal.

BH: Did you stop the zines? If so, why?

wn: Yes, I stopped SMT several years ago. I felt the zine format was no longer appropriate for the things I was writing. I kept an online journal for a while, but I think it would be safe to say that I turned the heat down on the stove the past five years to let some things simmer. I am excited about my plans for future projects.

BH: What advice do you have to other girls that want to start their own?

wn: Rent a mailbox and/or pick an e-mail address that you can live with for the duration of your project. During the years I published SMT, I moved about 13 times, but I was able to prevent bounced mail by keeping the same mailbox (good old 4394) that I (or a trusted friend) had easy access to.

BH: What in the end makes a free publication worth all the work?

wn: While creating an online zine/journal is free and can reach people all over the world, it cannot replace holding a zine in your hands. I prefer paper zines to online zines, but then again, paper zines can be quite expensive! Feedback, creative outlet, and trades make the "work" worth it...and if it feels like "work," maybe it's time to move on to a different project.

BH: What's next for you?

wn: As soon as I run out of zines to trade (I plan on ditching the stragglers at May's Chicago Critical Mass), I will start working on new zines - one-issue-wonders about a single event in my life. Subjects include crashing a car and watching it burn; being left unconscious in an intersection after getting hit by a hit-and-run driver on my bike ride to work; abortion; missing spoons; poetry; various projects I take on that have unexpected results (think: fish tank, worm compost bin, toilet-training my cats); that sort of stuff. I am very excited to lift the lid off the pot on the stove and to take a big whiff of what's been simmering the past five years.

BH: Where do you see the world in ten years?

wn: If something isn't done about George W. Bush, I'm not sure there will be a world in ten years.

BH: Where do you see yourself?

wn: GWB-willing, I'll be approaching the big 4-0 in ten years, so I imagine I will be trying to trick myself into freaking out about it (unsuccessfully, of course). I hope to have a huge stack of those one-issue-wonder zines to trade with others, and once they are all gone, hope to move on to the next creative project.

BH: Thanks so much for your time, willow. You're a fascinating, powerful, inspiring woman.

wn: [Blushing again.] Thank you! Happy editing!