I get settled into my window seat and try and put my headphones in as fast as possible so no one can try and strike up a conversation with me. Damnit, too slow! The man next to me notices that the novel I have just put away has a religious themed cover. He asks me, "And how would you describe your faith when it comes to spirituality and the afterlife?"

I let him know that it is not my book and that I just found it below the seat in front of me where my personal belongings are supposed to be placed leaving a clear exit to the walkway in case of an emergency. He asks me the same question again while simultaneously pulling out a brochure. I start to think he placed this book here to engage this conversation. I hate him for it but, I have to respect the creativity.

The plane had not even started taxiing yet and the Mystical Man in the Middle is already trying to convert me to a religion that I have never even heard of.

I eventually pretended to fall asleep to get out of any more talk of resurrection and "Hugging your way to God." When I got off the plane I noticed that he had given the lady on the aisle a compact disc. She must have been a better candidate because I only got piece of literature. I am slightly jealous of why he would prefer her to join the church more than yours truly.

Jesus! I have not even got to my family's house for Christmas and I have already had my fill of religion, already pulled the fake sleep move and am already jealous of others.

Let's fast forward to Christmas Eve.

It's dinner time now but before we dig in, my cousin asks if we can sing some Christmas Carols for her daughter's delight. It is little Kate's first Christmas and she is the cutest little first cousin once removed that I have ever had. We sing the classics, Jingle Bells, We Wish You a Merry Christmas and so on. Kate's face stays expressionless throughout.

My cousin then asks us to sing, America the Beautiful. As soon as we start singing Kate's face lights up, she grins and sticks out her tongue. Seems she is the most patriotic 6 month year old in the world. It is believed that Kate enjoys the music of our forefathers due to the fact that when my cousin was less than a week away from her due date she attended a "Fourth of July" themed concert at the Hollywood Bowl. For the rest of the night my very untalented, unmusical family does not sing songs about the jolly fat man in red but instead sings odes to the red, white and blue.

We have now gathered in the buffet line set up in my grandparents' dining room. This is not a meal that we all rush to. It seems everyone tries to be the last one in line, hoping that everyone else will take all the food so there will be nothing left.

You see, while most people have a delicious Christmas dinner we have a traditionally awful Swedish Smorgasbord. The meatballs are from a furniture store which you might have heard of, Ikea. It's hard to describe the taste. It's like they took all the particle board shavings left on the furniture factory floor and rolled them up into tasteless discolored little meatless meatballs. I am not kidding, if you ever go to an Ikea check out the cafeteria.

It is now the part of the evening when we all let each other know what kind of charitable work we have done over the year. This part is also known as Brad Feels like a Worthless Piece of Shat. Everyone tells great stories of how they devoted time, money and emotion to charitable causes that have affected them personally throughout the year.

It gets to be my turn and I actually remember something charitable I participated in. I let them know that I Slept In for the Cure. It is a sister program to the Walk for the Cure. If you donate $50 bucks you get a shirt that actually says "Sleep in for the Cure." After I explain to my family that it is for those of us that still want to give but want to sleep in and not miss any football, I still feel like a worthless piece of shat. I tell myself, "Next year self, you are going to do something awesome." I also tell myself, "Self... you probably shouldn't count on doing anything awesome, you procrastinating bast*rd."

But, all in all it was a great Christmas. I got to see all my loved ones and got some great presents. Though, I still have one present request Santa. Could you please give me the gift of an empty row on my flight home?