I get home and turn on the television. I proceed to do the normal channel-surf. Check all the HD channels first, see what the DVR has recorded and then see what's on the rest of the movie networks.
For some freakish reason I pass by CNN. I quickly change the station but then quickly go back, due to the fact that there was a list of rank on the screen. There is something about rankings that all of us males just love. I think it is because of a combination of sports (always having ranks), rankings give you good information to repeat to friends to sound intellectual, and we just want to see if maybe we are on the list.
This current list was for the predictions for the Iowa caucus. Since, I am not really into politics I am not very interested, but then they describe how the caucus works. Well, actually they describe it after
Wolf Blitzer in all his glorious bearded glory repeatedly tells us "This is not an election, it is a CAUCUS," about 50 times.
All right already Wolf-man, what the hell is a caucus?
Finally when he stops playing with his new CNN touch screen jumbo-trons and flirting with the hot token British anchor, he gets to the meat of the explanation. It seems that the republicans just do a basic straw poll. I still don't really know what that means. I do know that it is far simpler but less entertaining than the democratic caucus.
In the democratic caucus everyone from that district gathers in one local place, usually a school or whoever has the biggest house. Then a representative for each candidate addresses the crowd to try and sway their votes for last time. Representative in this case seems to be a little strong. I would say they are more like presidents of each candidate's local fan club.
Then, everyone gets up and stands in a certain area designated for the candidate whom they wish to support. That's right, the caucus is not anonymous. Everyone sees whom you vote for.
CNN put a camera crew in the
Raines Family Household in Persia, Iowa. It seems to me that the Raines are pro
Barrack Obama, because they made the kitchen his designated spot, and the there is a freaking buffet of all sorts of sweets in there. If I was on the fence on whom I was going to place a vote for I am pretty sure I would lean toward the one that gave me access to brownies.
So, now that everyone is in his or her groups we now have to count to see whose votes actually count. For that candidates votes to count he must have 15% of the room. If you are under 15% the people in that group must try and get more to reach 15%, or go to another candidates group so his or her vote will actually count. The latter is more common. Each group that already has 15% goes around and tries to convince voters in fewer than 15% percent groups to join their candidate's case. A CNN anchor makes a remark that this is the time when one farmer will lend his tractor to another if he comes over to his group. So, the next Presidency may weigh heavily on how many
Clinton supporters have John Deeres to lend out.
Whew! You get all that?
I stay tuned to see that Obama and
Huckabee come to be victorious. Obama gives a great speech and then it's Huckabees turn. I heard he also gave a very decent speech but I did not hear a word cause I was too focused on who he had as a supporter in the background. The man had
Chuck Norris behind his left shoulder. I was not 100% sure it was Chuck Norris, but I confirmed through intense research (10 seconds ongoogle images) that they are friends and have actually done TV commercials together joking that Chuck Norris is Huckabees, National Defense Strategy.
I am very excited about Chuck Norris being a presidential supporter because I feel it will spark another Chuck Norris Quote fad.
Examples I just thought up.
Behind every great president is a Chuck Norris Beard followed by a Chuck Norris
Candidates don't drop out of the race they get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the Dean of the Electoral College
(If you can think of any please let me know)
If you never heard any of the Chuck Norris Quotes
- Where the hell have you been, and
- Here is a website for some examples
http://www.cafepress.com/mediatees/1478535
Now, it's onto the New Hampshire primary! Hopefully it is as entertaining and back-assward as Iowa. Maybe, citizens there will sway voters with maple syrup.