Being someone who fancies himself a writer, I'd like to think that I am somewhat in tune with the lexicon of the times. One thing I've noticed is that every once in a while, certain buzz words pop up. You've heard it as well, I'm sure. A certain word you've heard only sparingly over the last decade or so is suddenly falling off the lips of nearly every one around you with the frequency of a Britney Spears knicker shot. I'm inherently annoyed by buzz words. To me, they signify lazy and unimaginative speaking and writing. I think words, like anything else, are best experienced in all of the wondrous variety one can avail himself of.

The latest ice pick to the ear in the literary sense is the word "absolutely". I first started to notice this one about six months ago. I had an assistant manager at my Westminster store that used this word at least once every day. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, "absolutely" means "definitely and completely; unquestionably." I don't know; it seems few things in life can be quantified with this much certainty.

"Are you ready for lunch?"

"Absolutely!"

"Really? Where are you going?"

"I haven't decided."

"Are you going to the restroom first?"

"Um... I don't know."

"Got your car keys?"

"Huh?"

"I think you meant 'yes'".

"Absolutely" also means "wholly and without exception" according to Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1).

"Like music?"

"Absolutely!"

"Rap?"

"No."

"Opera?"

"No."

"Techno?"

"No."

Well you get the idea.

One of the record holders for having legs in this area would be "solution". I won't hammer this one into the ground with definitions. Suffice it to say that in any kind of industry you could name, at least one company will be touting itself as a "solution." I blame the Y2K fiasco for this. I started to see "solution" used in this way at a prolific rate amongst computer companies at the turn of the millennium. Since then it has spread like a cold sore at Woodstock. I know the term is reaching the saturation point, though. Just the other day, I saw a commercial in which Taco Bell declared itself "Your food-borne illness solution!"

Of course, if I could be the person starting the trend it might be a different story. My current personal favorites are modicum and smattering. I don't know why I like them; I just do. Words defining quantities seem to lend themselves to buzz word status quite naturally. "Ginormous", although heavy in usage and not universally recognized as a word, is one I somehow don't mind. At this time, I would also like to submit the following words and phrases for your consideration: "breasticles", "Girls-Next-Door smart", and "not so's you'd notice" used facetiously when something is, in fact, very noticeable. That last one is not actually mine, but I love it, anyway. It is, I believe, from "Scrooged" (arguably some of Bill Murray's finest work).

Speaking of movies, I am of the mind that anything quoted from a movie is exempt from the disdain of annoying buzzword status by default. My thinking here is that if it was said in a movie I like, it must be cool. Besides it saves me the trouble of thinking. I know that seems at odds with my rant from the first paragraph, but I reserve the defense that it's okay if I do it (if anyone else does it, of course, they are idiots). Incidentally, this concept also applies to tail-gaiting, speeding, and talking on the cell phone while driving.

Currently in my rotation (who am I kidding; now and forever in my rotation) are such gems as "Mongo only pawn in game of life." Another great one for use during a rain storm is "I don't know; I don't think the heavy stuff's going to come down for another couple of hours yet." Hear that tell-tale calliope music approaching? No problem; just whip out "Lt. Dan, ice cream; ice cream Lt. Dan."

Whatever buzzword floats your boat, knock yourself out. Just don't do it near me.