Some people just lack that brain-to-mouth checkpoint.

We've all been there. We've all been subjected to another person who suffers from foot-in-mouth disease or social ineptitude. Whether it is friend or foe, acquaintance or stranger, everyone knows the, "What do you say to that?" feeling.

Picture this: a friend was enjoying a first date with an attractive man from the Internet dating world and thinking he could possibly be one of the good guys when out of the blue, he simply states, "You know, you'd be more attractive if you had thinner thighs."

And here comes the face - the jaw dropped, eyebrows raised look that clearly communicates we're thinking: "What the?"

What comes next in these situations?

Stunned disbelief.

A loss for words.

The ranting call to your friend ending with an indignant, "What do you say to that!"

Of course, this is when you come up with the one-liners that escaped your brain the instant the stupid and/or rude comment was made. Gone is your opportunity to say, "You'd be more attractive with duck tape over your mouth." And now, storming back into the restaurant and hitting him bull's-eye between the eyes with your brilliant stinger response isn't possible. Damn!

New Year's Eve, it happened to me. I had happily turned down offers to drudge through the snow to celebrate with friends and was strolling the grocery store with my favorite treat in hand (dried cherries) looking forward to a nice night not risking an encounter with a drunk driver when I entered the frozen food section. As I scanned the pizza selections, a slightly older man standing next to his wife and a cart of groceries piled so high it looked like a Jenga game gone awry said, "No date and ringing in the New Year alone, I see."

What do you say to that?

I was so stunned and offended that I mumbled something about my kid and walked away. It was after I talked to my friend that I wanted to go back into the store and ream the guy with, "At least I'll have better company than your wife." The opportunity was long gone.

Then there's my friend Judy. After giving birth to a beautiful baby girl, the doctor who was busy stitching her up said, "If men had babies, civilization would come to an end. We're too smart to go through the pain of childbirth and would tell every other man not to have them."

What do you say to that!

In hindsight, you'd say, "I'm not too worried about it. It's obvious you aren't smart enough to shut your mouth in the presence of a hormonal woman who just gave birth let alone bring an end to the human race."

Many of my male friends have been left speechless when, on a first date, the woman would point blank ask how much money they made (insert the face). It happens more often than not (ladies, why?), so many of my male friends have standard replies at the ready. Two of my favorites are: "Enough to pay for the next Happy Meal" and "I hope enough. You obviously like to eat!"

My friend Kay had the pleasure of being bewildered when a co-worker introduced his wife to her at the company holiday party. He said, "She's the one I b!@tch about you to in our office."

What do you say to that!

My most memorable moment, however, was April 12, 1986. The doctor on call who delivered my daughter came into my room immediately following her birth and shocked me into silence when he said, "I'm really disappointed in you for a Lamaze woman. If you would have done your breathing correctly, you wouldn't have felt any pain." He then handed my husband his business card and said, "If you decide to have another baby, call me."

What do you say to that?

Oh, I have plenty to say now as you can all imagine, but at the time, I was flabbergasted. Thankfully, I didn't have to reply. This arrogant dunce made the mistake of repeating his sentiments to my mother - a woman who had given birth five times. She smiled ever so slightly, grabbed him in the manhood region, squeezed as hard as humanly possible while digging her nails deep and serenely said, "Why doctor, just breath." After he quickly turned an ashy gray, she continued with, "I'm really disappointed in you, doctor. If you'd just do your Lamaze breathing, you wouldn't feel any pain."

I bet he never said that again.