register |  login
› BRIGHTON
Loading Ad
Visit Other Hubs:
ADVERTISEMENT
Loading Tower
Blog
Blog Entry 24 of 144 The Meaning of Life, or at Least the Last 24 Hours
First, a few things about me. I am deceptively handsome for someone who is significantly overweight. Don't get me wrong. I'm not washes-himself-with-a-rag-on-a-stick fat or bury-him-in-a-piano fat, but I could stand to lose another 60 or 80. Second, almost none of what I say can be taken seriously. I love to write, and as a previously self-admitted fatty, I am a king of self-deprecating humor. I look for the humor in everyday life, and this is the meaty chunks of which I will write (note: overweight people often use food as adjectives and metaphors). Third, I am notoriously unreliable, so don't expect an update every day. I am a retail manager, which means I work like a dog. Seriously, retail is great for loners and orphans. Just ask my wife. In fact, when a guy shoots up a fast food restaurant and they interview the people that knew him and they always say "He was kind of a loner, he kept to himself." This guy generally works retail. Fourth, do not expect political correctness from this blog. It is my point of view, that on the pallette of life most of us are not even primary colors. Hell, most of us are that dried slop that collects on the brush when you forget to wash it. No one's better than anyone else on my blog. Well maybe we're better than the hippies; can't stand them. Oh, and soccer moms too. I don't really care about your honor student. Oh yeah, also the people that don't watch their kids. Put a leash on Skippy, or I'll whack him with a Ritalin stick.

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~BillsBunchoBSblog

A Girl Named Chuck

Contributed by: William Boucher   on 7/12/2006

It is with great joy and confidence I write to you today. One of my closet friends, Charlene, informed me that, though my blogs are sometimes entertaining, they are riddled with typos. Charlene, being a computer programmer and all-around math-goddess, tolerates typos like slugs tolerate salt. She came up with the ingenious (really, really genius) idea of typing them in (Microsoft) word first using spell check. Charlene, I'm at a loss here. Apparently, if you are inventive and cunning, that word comes with an "o". However, "genius" does not. No, the problem here is usage. Genius, it seems, can only be used as a noun. "Ingenious" is the adjective describing the noun that is in the state of being genius. No wonder foreigners think English sucks to learn. I will be claiming artistic license in this case and will use them interchangeably because I can, and also to get a rise out of Charlene.

Don't get me wrong. Charlene has a tremendous sense of humor. For a human being even, not just a programmer. Being new to computers, I once asked her what MIME stood for. Without skipping a beat, she replied, "Microsoft is mighty evil." I tried to learn more about computers, and started to read up on them. I read about Java, applets, and cookies, but I got sidetracked because I suddenly was starting to feel hungry. Okay, I know what you're thinking. "Suddenly" started getting hungry? Alright, I admit it. When you are undertall for your weight as I am, you are pretty much always hungry. Let's face it. I'm planning lunch as I'm finishing breakfast.

"Chuck", as those of us who know and love her call her, has known me for over ten years. That's roughly a quarter of my life and a third of hers (I'm sure she can provide you with the precise percentages). I met her through her now ex-husband, Steve, who was a buddy from work. Judy and I have actually been closer with Charlene since that divorce. She is now married to a very nice guy named Loren (I mean really, how many jerks do you know named Loren? That's what I thought). My theory on second marriages is this: the first marriage you got what you thought you wanted; the second marriage you get the person you truly deserve.

We also know most of the interesting tidbits about each other. For instance, I know that when she went to "Tech" in Soccoro, New Mexico (I'm assuming this is short for the New Mexico Institute of Technology or something. I've only ever heard it called "Tech"), she and her friends, Amy and Vic(toria) streaked across the quad. I also know her drinking prowess is internationally recognized as impressive. She's not a drunk or anything, but when the situation dictates, she can hold her liquor like the Hoover Dam holds Lake Mead. She knows that I rarely have an original thought that isn't in some way directly taken from or influenced by a movie quote. She also knows that on certain occasions, I have gas that could knock a buzzard off a gut-wagon. We both like to sing, and to this day people still come up to one or the other of us, and with tears in their eyes, tell us how our rendition of "Summer Nights" at Pitchers sports bar karaoke night in 1997 changed their lives (or maybe I dreamt that).

Seriously, "Chuck" is one of those blessings I thank God every day for. Being good friends we've been there for the other over the years as well. Through miscarriages and the death of a parent, we've leaned on the other in times of need. We also share the happy times. Most recently, Charlene, Loren, Judy and I had a delightful bbq/karaoke fest over Memorial Day weekend. And the happiest times are coming. Next month Charlene will be giving birth to her and Loren's first child, Wilhemena. Charlene insists the name will be Gabrielle, but we'll see. Congrats, Chucky. You done good.


SUBMIT COMMENT

Rate the above blog



Current Rating
Based on 6 user ratings.

Talk Back : submit comments to the blog

*Note: you need to log-in to add a comment or rating.

Showing 1-3 of 3 comments
Submitted By: Karin Malchow
posted on 6/11/2006 @ 6:40:34 AM
Rated Blog Entry
I actually did know a jerk named Loren, a Beltway Bandit in D.C. From your description of her as a friend, Chuck has all the makings of a great mom.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: Brendan Leonard
posted on 6/9/2006 @ 11:33:58 AM
Rated Blog Entry
Indeed, how many jerks do you know named Loren? Congrats on the baby.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: Tabitha Dial
posted on 6/7/2006 @ 9:56:39 AM
Rated Blog Entry
I vote for the name Gabrielle (and for a healthy baby and happy parents). What's the middle name going to be? Applet?
[Report as objectionable]
Showing 1-3 of 3 comments
CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

William Boucher

Brighton , CO

William Boucher has posted 144 blog entries and 1662 comments since joining on 11/6/2005. William Boucher 's average blog rating is 4.96.
SAVE AND SHARE THIS BLOG ENTRY
BLOG ENTRY RSS FEEDS
BLOG LIST
WANT TO WRITE FOR YOURHUB.COM?
Want to see the stories you write and the photos you shoot featured in the YourHub.com Thursday print section available all over the Front Range and with home subscriptions of the Rocky Mountain News and The Denver Post? All you have to do is  register,  then post a story or column, start a blog or tell everyonewhat events are happening in town. We will print the best stories, columns, event listings, photos and blog entries in our print sections.

ADVERTISEMENT
Loading Ad

Loading Ad
ADVERTISEMENT
Loading Ad

This YourHub.com community is produced by The Denver Newspaper Agency
Web Development and Channel Analytics provided by Indigio

terms of use //  privacy policy
the staff //  advertise //  help & faq
buy photos