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Blog Entry 26 of 141 The Meaning of Life, or at Least the Last 24 Hours

First, a few things about me. I am deceptively handsome for someone who is significantly overweight. Don't get me wrong. I'm not washes-himself-with-a-rag-on-a-stick fat or bury-him-in-a-piano fat, but I could stand to lose 60 or 80. Second, almost none of what I say can be taken seriously. I love to write, and as a previously self-admitted fatty, I am a king of self-deprecating humor. I look for the humor in everyday life, and this is the meaty chunks of which I will write (note: overweight people often use food as adjectives and metaphors). Third, I am notoriously unreliable, so don't expect an update every day. I am a retail manager, which means I work like a dog. Seriously, retail is great for loners and orphans. Just ask my wife. In fact, when a guy shoots up a fast food restaurant and they interview the people that knew him and they always say "He was kind of a loner, he kept to himself." This guy generally works retail. Fourth, do not expect political correctness from this blog. It is my point of view, that on the pallette of life most of us are not even primary colors. Hell, most of us are that dried slop that collects on the brush when you forget to wash it. No one's better than anyone else on my blog. Well maybe we're better than the hippies; can't stand them. Oh, and soccer moms too. I don't really care about your honor student. Oh yeah, also the people that don't watch their kids. Put a leash on Skippy, or I'll whack him with a Ritalin stick.

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Contributed by: William Boucher on 7/12/2006

Once again I will be presenting guest commentary by Fido of Parker in my blog . Fido has been a life-long resident of Parker, and as such, has an irrepressible need to write, as do all those, it seems, who live in Parker. As stated in the last installment, he is a beagle poodle mix, or a boodle, as it were. I am trying to convince him that he should post his own blog, but then he just pulls that head-cocked-to-the-left, raised-eyebrow, confused-dog-thing, and tells me he doesn't have internet access. Anyway, here's what's got his ears perked up today.

Hey folks! Fido here. I was just talking to Bill today, and he was telling me about a post from Jayasri Radha of Aurora about whether or not animals have souls. Well, I have to agree with Jayasri, we do. I know this because I, myself, have had an out of body experience.

It happened one bright May day in 2003. I was just sitting in the front yard, basking in the shade of my favorite urinal (tree to you hairless apes), licking my....well I guess by now you know my proclivities. Suddenly, one of the loud shiny metal things with the round legs, cars I think you call them, comes zooming down the street. Naturally, I think he wants to race seeing how he's running and all. And we're off. This is almost as fun as chasing squirrels. We're neck and shiny thing (bumper, I think). Suddenly, he stops, and I keep going. Dogs don't have ABS, but Bill says it makes cars stop real fast. Anyway, another car coming the other way hits me and knocks me into the neighbor's yard.

This is where it gets surreal. Suddenly, I'm floating above my prone, but adorable carcass. I see scrapes all over me and some blood on my leg. I'm screaming, "Hello?! Someone lick that. Can't you see I'm bleeding?", but no one hears me. Suddenly, I here a voice from puppy hood. It's my dear, departed mother, Snowball. "Come to the light, Fido. There is peace and serenity in the light." I start running to her, but then I get the feeling I'm not moving and being dragged back through some sort of tunnel. It's like my legs don't work, and I'm doing some sort of perpetual moon walk. Bill says he has this dream, too, but it doesn't mean anything. I suspect he's impotent. But I digress.

Anyway, next thing I know, I wake up at the vet's office with a cast on my leg and some type of inverse cone thing around my head. That was the worst month of my life. So many things went unlicked. So I'm still a dog. Does this mean my karma was unchanged? Was I not ready for the next rung in the ladder of reincarnation? I don't know. Maybe I just like being a dog better. Make that a Hindu dog.

Let's look at the merits. Now according to the Gita Krishna, It is okay for me to eat meat but not for humans. Outstanding. More meat for me! Frankly, I was relieved that meat is okay for animals because when I eat grass, I puke. I really like the part where Jayasri says all living things are eternal loving servants of God. I also like the part where she says we need to give up the animal consciousness of bodily designation based on race, gender, or species, and stop to see the soul in all living entities. That is one poetic religion, and it seams, some pretty decent guidelines for living.

I'm a little worried about Bill, though. I just can't get him off the meat. Luckily, in his mercy, God will let Bill glide to a lower level of species on the karmic ladder, rather than let him build negative karma. I hope he comes back as a dog. It's just as well we dogs don't work (other than those show-off border collies). I think if Bill was as flexible as me, he'd never leave the house.

P.S. Dot, I'd like your digits. You're all kinds of fine. You appear to be a girl from your picture. I'll holla.

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Showing 1-5 of 5 comments

Submitted By: Tabitha Dial

posted on 7/3/2006 @ 8:03:27 PM

Rated Blog Entry

"...an irrepressible need to write, as do all those, it seems, who live in Parker." That is the most poetic piece of blog in all of YourHub.com. I'm so glad it's true.

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Submitted By: William Boucher

posted on 7/2/2006 @ 10:10:26 PM

Rated Blog Entry

Jared, I'm going to go out on a limb here. Do you have another per named Hobbes? Rob, thanks on behalf of Fido. I am negoatiating the deal right now, but a post from CeeCee the tsetse fly may be coming soon. Also, I dig you blog!

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Submitted By: Rob Guthrie

posted on 7/1/2006 @ 7:24:12 PM

Rated Blog Entry

I enjoy your musings, Fido. I hate it when too many things go unlicked. Bill seems an okay guy, issues of flexibility aside. Thing is, I am rooting for his next incarnation as a Tsetse fly (apologies to Joe McD).

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Submitted By: Joe McDaniel

posted on 6/30/2006 @ 2:52:29 PM

Rated Blog Entry

In a parallel universe is there parallel barking?

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Submitted By: Jared Keller

posted on 6/30/2006 @ 1:22:26 PM

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I dunno, Fido. I've looked into the eyes of my cat, Calvin, and there's no soul there...just pure evil.

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Showing 1-5 of 5 comments

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William Boucher

Brighton , CO

William Boucher has posted 141 blog entries and 1628 comments since joining on 11/6/2005. William Boucher 's average blog rating is 4.96.

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