Just say no. Be a good girl. Don't make waves. Be happy. Be grateful. Don't think like that. Give 110%. Oh ... and for God's sake, stay pure! Words of wisdom for a smooth and successful teenage girlhood, right?
Yeah, right.
It's time to put the well-meaning platitudes aside, and instead consider the hearts and minds of real teenage girls. Teenage girls are just as multi-dimensional and individually unique as you and I. Yep, just like us they are a complex mash-up of bright and confident and confused and lazy and curious and ambitious and insecure and lonely and loving and judgmental and horny and sweet and impetuous and angry and a thousand other shifting qualities and moods.
Simplistic advice and catchy slogans may keep things comfortable for the adults, but they don't do much for a teenager in the midst of her own adolescent journey. In fact, with the best of intentions we are short-changing our young women. We are denying them whole parts of themselves, and too often we are using shame and fear as our primary motivators.
We teach them that their sexuality is not a topic that "good girls" should even be thinking about. We tell them not to question the things that they're taught. We encourage them to quickly hide away their dark thoughts and difficult feelings. We deny them the opportunity to acknowledge and learn to manage parts of themselves that are normal and healthy and intrinsic to the human experience.
For every girl and for a collective generation, it's time to take another approach. We need to look beyond the surface and engage the beautiful and unique human soul within each individual. We need to help each girl to know her own power, and we need to start by embracing our own. Whether we use them or not, we all possess a wealth of powerful innate resources. We all have intuitive wisdom about what's really right for us. We all have a deep reservoir of strength to get us through even the toughest of times. We all have at least a glimmer of awareness of how much we really matter, even if every choice we make seems to deny it.
I could shout from the rooftops (or text in all caps with a link to a smokin' hot MySpace page) that each and every teenage girl is truly powerful, and nobody would hear it. I get that. However when the same message comes through relatable real-life stories and conversations about the real-world things that they are dealing with, they pay attention. Not advice. Not preaching. Not telling how to think or who to be. Just sharing those things that can help girls to see their own possibilities.
When you are mired in a challenging situation, especially when you are young, it can be impossible to see past the drama. It's also natural to feel very much alone, as though your circumstances are completely unique. I can assure you though that somebody else has been there and done that. More than likely many people have been there and done that. Many of them have discovered their power in the process.
Think about where you've been and what you've done. What elements of your power have you come to know? You can make all the difference in the world to a young woman, first by acknowledging her wholeness, and then by sharing your own. If you establish a supportive connection with just one young woman you truly are making a difference.
Open the doors to real communication. Listen. No, really ... listen. Don't be afraid. You don't have to be perfect. Talk about sex? Absolutely. Self image struggles? Check. Overcoming challenges, big and small? Yep. Drugs and alcohol? Mmm-hmmm. If it touches their lives it should be fair game. Pretending that these and other issues are not a reality in her world doesn't make them disappear. Acknowledge the appeal. Acknowledge the difficulty. Acknowledge the pressure. No need to divulge all of your own gory details, but do be honest and do be respectful. Don't minimize her thoughts and concerns; she sees the world through her window, you see through yours, and both windows are equally real.
As an ex-teenage girl who would have greatly benefited from this kind of support, my passion lies in helping young women to know their power. Do not doubt though that young men are just as in need of honest and meaningful connections with the adults in their lives. Their challenges and responses may manifest differently than those of their female counterparts, but they are every bit as relevant. Let's be there for our boys as well.
Do you want to know one of the best parts of all of this? It's that in helping others to tap into their power, you can't help but further awaken to your own.
Do you have a story from your own adolescence that could help today's young women navigate theirs more easily? Visit http://www.yourtruepower.com to find out more about submitting your story for possible inclusion in the upcoming anthology "Been There ... Done That: Triumphing Over Teen Drama and Trauma."