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Blog Entry 15 of 105 Rampart Mick's Idle Thoughts

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Duped dads, a divorced dad's view.

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Contributed by: Michael Rule on 2/3/2007

Darn it, Barbara, you got me going! Instead of doing my office work and paying bills, I am going to sit here and try to explain my position on the so called "duped dad bill" in the legislature at the moment.

Since the beginning of mankind, men have never had the ability to know 100% for sure that a child is theirs. Now, thanks to DNA testing, we do. If a man suspects a child was fathered by someone other than himself he now has a way to prove it.

Why should a man have to pay child support on a child he did not father?? Because the woman involved claimed he was the dad, and now the child and man have a relationship and it would be injurious to the child if it was broken? Give me a break. Where is the responsibility of the woman involved to ...a) not sleep around and b) come clean on who the actual father might be? Or even c) after being found out as a promiscuous liar allow the vindicated man to continue a relationship with the child that has grown attached to him and vice versa?

Fathers have very few rights when it comes to children and divorces. Don't tell me about dual custody, because I have it and its' a joke. Don't tell me about visitation rights or any other court decreed rights. What it comes down to in real life is the primary custodian, which in 95% of the cases is the mother, has the control. She can make it as hard or as easy as she wants for the father to have a relationship with his children. Ask any divorced "dual custody" dad about that one. The only real right most men have is the right to pay their court decreed child support on time so they don't get labeled a deadbeat.

The other day I saw an interview with a young man who was labeled a deadbeat dad. Turns out he had contested being the child's biological father, had found out through DNA testing he wasn't, and refused to continue with the child support. Unfortunately for him the time limit for contesting was over. So now he is labeled a deadbeat and he has never fathered a child! All because his ex-wife wouldn't admit to the court she was sleeping around and named him the father!

This has nothing to do with visitation rights and responsibilities on the man's side. Just because a man was unfairly labeled the biological father, and ordered to pay child support by the court, he should have to continue monetary support in order to continue a relationship with a child he has grown attached to? Get real!!

If I had my way (which I am sure I won't), I would take this bill one step farther. If a man is directed by the courts to pay support on a child and given visitation rights, and then that man proves through DNA testing he is not the biological father, all court ordered child support payments would be stopped and he would RETAIN ALL VISITATION RIGHTS. Of course, as I already stated, in reality the primary custodian, and in most cases where a man is paying support that custodian being the mother, actually will end up dictating who sees whom. Don't blame the man for that one.

What seems to be missing in the arguments I am reading against this bill is the responsibility of two involved persons; the promiscuous mother and the real biological father that hopped in the sack with her. What also seems to be missing is the realization that just because a man proves he is not the biological father does not mean he would want to cut all ties with the child. Where is it written a man's attachment to a child starts with his wallet? I don't buy into that one for a minute.

For the first time in history men have the ability to verify 100% whether or not they are actually the biological father. Ladies, better get used to it.

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Submitted By: Karin Malchow

posted on 2/3/2007 @ 11:02:11 AM

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I have never been divorced or raised stepchildren, but I was a court reporter who covered divorces and child custody hearings. I preferred criminal cases where I could understand the rancor. Imperfect as it is, the legal system seeks to protect the child, ensuring that someone takes financial responsibility for him. I can't tell you how many times the court appointed a guardian ad litem to represent the child's interests because neither parent could be reasonable. I would agree that changing gender roles in society has created inequities (particularly for men) in the legal system. However, I am uncomfortable with legislation shifting the focus to what's fair for adults.

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Submitted By: Barbara Neff

posted on 2/3/2007 @ 10:20:21 AM

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Mick, you don't have to educate me concerning divorced dads and the power, or lack thereof, they weild when it comes to the children, no matter what the divorce decree says. I have been a stepmother for nearly twenty years. But, either you are a parent by law or you are not. Period. If children are born to a woman during the time a man is married to her, by law he is father to those children. If a man establishes loving relationships with children in a parental way, he *is* responsible for them, legally, morally, financially. I suppose you see taking financial support out of the parent-child relationship as nonfundamental to the relationship. I don't. If a man wants another man to foot the financial bill, he'd better be prepared to step aside as a father and all that role entails in the legal sense. The man paying the child support will surely be awarded those rights.

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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Michael Rule

Larkspur , CO

Michael Rule has posted 105 blog entries and 1236 comments since joining on 2/23/2006. Michael Rule 's average blog rating is 4.95.

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