(part 1 of a three-part series)

By Lorri Molinari

I have written this article series on a topic that I see affecting women's lives every single day. Women come to me as a life coach because life feels dull, drab, and lifeless. They wonder why certain negative things are showing up in their every day lives vs. what they want in their every day lives -- achieving their dreams.

I want to provide you with information so you understand the missing link between your DESIRE for a dazzling life and the actual ACHIEVEMENT of a dazzling life.

I have a question for you: Who is in control of your life?

I've had some people say their job, the Supreme Being, kids, spouses - I've even had some women say their to-do is in charge !

But let me ask again.... Who is in ULTIMATE control of YOUR life?

If we all agree it's in our own hands, and we are not living the life of our dreams, what's going wrong? What holds us back? If we truly would like to do better, be the way we really would like to be, and be happier and more successful every day, what are the barriers that stand in our way?

Now here is a startling statistic. Leading behavioral researchers have stated that up to 77% of every thing we think is negative. When I heard this number I went running to the calculator. That's 46 minutes of every hour! Instead of being our own #1 cheerleader we have become our #1 critic.

Here's another sad statistic. All of us heard the word "no" more than 148,000 times in our first 18 years of life. So year after year, word after word, layer after layer our self image and self talk was created. As adults we joined in on the fun and took up the negative self-talk where teachers, family, and friends left off. We began living our self-talk

We women have this non-stop voice inside us producing guilt, shame, and downright paralysis at time. Here are some of the most popular refrains I hear in my coaching practice:

I can't .... (example: I can't take Sunday afternoon for myself because a good mother would be with her kids)

I should.... (example: I should have squeezed in one more patient in my schedule today

I'm not able..... (example: I'm not able to find time for me anymore)

Through the study of neuroscience, we now know that there is a direct relationship between our mental programming and if we will succeed or fail in any activity we undertake.

This is why I discuss "self talk" as one of the primary focus areas in my coaching sessions. I want us all to "live life consciously".....observing our thoughts, feelings and self-talk and live from TRUE CHOICE in the moment vs. being run by old programming.

Here are examples of my mental programming.....

I'm not creative (Really? People love my home décor and a friend recently asked me to stage her house for selling. Others see my creativity, but I don't see it in myself because of my negative self talk)

I don't remember names (Well, since I am a business owner who is always looking for strategic alliances, I'd better remember people's names when I am at a networking event)

I have no patience (I even tell a little story about this negative label to make sure it is firmly embedded in my subconscious mind)

Think about some of the negative labels you say about yourself. Are they true?

So if this is what we are thinking, which produces certain negative feelings, guess what.....we are creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

Here is the intention I hold for all of us: To live life based on our inner GREATNESS rather than our labels.

As a life coach, I am on a mission to help women erase the guilt and shame we put on ourselves. Therefore, changing our self-talk is an important first step.

Therefore, here is your coaching homework: Please take out an index card and start a tally of every time you say one of the four most toxic words:

• I should
• I shouldn't
• I can't
• Yeah, but

By taking this small first step, and increasing your awareness of your negative self talk, you can start to choose differently.

Lorri Molinari, Leadership Coach, is the founder of Your Dazzling Life, a company devoted to enhancing personal and professional development. Molinari is most known for her personal development tools that helps one to stay on the course of creating an inspired life such as her negative self talk CD. For information on the Negative Self Talk CD, call 303-680-0700 or visit www.YourDazzlingLife.com.