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Castle Rock [Change Location]

Blog Entry 63 of 146 Buzz by Barbara
I think about a lot of things. I have opinions about most. What good are thoughts and opinions when not shared? I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours. Issues surrounding education interest me, particularly those pertaining to private education, corporal punishment in schools (still legal in about half the states), standardized testing, background scrutinization of adults seeking work in schools, and more. I promote fitness as the miracle drug most of us seek. No pill will duplicate the health benefits of working our bodies. I strongly support the adage, "Don't breed or buy while shelter animals die." The world does not need more puppies or kittens. A visit to a local shelter is proof. I consider myself schooled in basic personal money management, the entrepreneurial spirit, domestic adoption, motherood in middle age, Baby Boomer issues, Southern culture, and how to cook a meal in twenty minutes. Whew. So, where shall we start?

So, I can't call you Daddy anymore?


I follow with interest Colorado Senate Bill 56. Dubbed the "duped dad bill", SB56, by Sen. Shawn Mitchell, R-Broomfield, would free men of financial responsibility for children they are able to prove through DNA testing are not biologically theirs, offspring for whom they might have already paid child support, and even offspring born during their marriages.

Already in Colorado men have the right to contest paternity through DNA testing for a period of eight months after being legally declared parent.

My understanding is all states deem children born within a marriage legally the children of the man in the marriage, automatically bestowing upon him parental rights and responsibilities. Note the word "rights". A man legally a father is entitled to share, in most circumstances, the lives of children deemed legally his. He is entitled to love them, bond with them, experience the joys and to fulfill what I view as the most important role a person can play.

Since the beginning of the institution of marriage, chances have existed that married women will become pregnant by someone other than their husbands. How many children over time have been raised by men who fulfilled parental roles in fact, if not biology?

Should SB56 become Colorado law, men could demand proof of paternity at any point in the lives of minor children deemed theirs. Though the issue of child support already paid if a man discovers he is not biologically connected to children does not appear to be addressed by the bill, what would happen to that money? In other words, could a man who has supported children for a decade discover he has no biological ties, stop support and sue the mother of his fake children for return of financial support? Words such as fraud, deceit, and trickery are bantered about in discussion of this bill, as if misidentified parentage is always the result of intentional deception.

Women get pregnant sometimes and do not know who impregnated them. I am not suggesting women never lie to gain support for children. Maybe it happens commonly. However, I am saying mistakes are made and sometime for the sake of an impending child a man is assumed to be the father and is treated as such by everyone involved--the woman, the law, the children; which brings me to my point.

SB56 might seem fair and logical at first blush. But, has anyone looked past the anger of a "duped dad" into the eyes and hearts of the children involved? I am annoyed a man would suggest after having enjoyed parental rights and discovering no biological connection to his children--yes, HIS children-- that the entire relationship is undone.

As a person most strongly connected to people with whom I share not a speck of DNA, including my two sons, I can vouch for the insignificance of blood ties. People who are closest to those with whom they share blood might believe blood itself make bonds. But, biology alone counts for little in the most precious of human ties. Time, love, nurturing, family structure, the ups and downs of daily living and the openness of one's heart are the glue.

I don't know how it feels to be a man faced with the discovery children for whom he has been Dad are not his biologically. I don't doubt feelings of betrayal would come into play. However, in my opinion, only a fool would believe such a discovery changes anything in the eyes of children. And, only a fool would let such a discovery rob him of something as precious and important as his relationships them.

Throwing the baby out with the bath water has never made sense, and that is exactly what SB 56 would allow.

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R Scott, have you gotten a little carried away? While I don't have the "right" to impose anything on anyone, I have the "right" to express my views. If they annoy you, moving along might be your smartest option. The needs of children will always trump the needs of adults. That's my view and I'm sticking to it.

Barbara, Your position on this issue is incredibly offensive! You chose to be a parent to children not your own, but would DENY this choice to a man who is a victim of a crime? Reproductive choice, including parenthood by choice, is the civil rights issue of the new century. You do NOT have the right to impose your views upon an innocent victim through our "justice" system nor do you have the right to summarily dismiss the responsibilities of the perpetrator of the crime. It is time women are treated as equal adults with equal responsibilities - not to expect to be excused for their crimes against men as well as receiving financial awards for those very crimes!

Barbara, I never said anything about taking away parental rights. What I did say was that responsible parties have to share the financial burden of raising a child. To put this in perspective one could say that a non married man fathering a child should have no financial responsibility for that child simply because he is not married to the woman at the time of birth. This is in effect the issue. There are many men out in the world that would love to have freedom from responsibilities and maybe that is why those men would select married women. It seems wrong to say that the married man is financially responsible for a child fathered by another man simply because of deception.

I think such a law as SB56 proposes would wreak havoc with parental "rights and responsibilities". Thus far, the two are entertwined. It sounds as if Doug and Mick feel some men should have financial responsibility for certain children but not parental rights and some men should enjoy parental rights but shoulder no financial responsibility for certain children. I cannot see that ever being the case.

Have to agree with Doug. Check out my blog on this, if you're interested in more of a man's viewpoint

I think the issue is very interesting in the fact that if the law were passed then the duped father would have a choice of not participating in an untrustworthy situation. The other issue is why should the biological father get away without paying for his offspring? If the man can entice another man's wife then why is he then given a free pass from the responsibility of child support? This opens another aspect of what if the marriage survives the infidelity and the non-biological father raises a child who is his legally but at the same time collecting child support for the illegitimate child from the biological father? Women do this all the time. They maintain a family with a new man, raise the child in their home and have the biological father paying child support. I think such a law could provide some justice and would catch up with today’s moral standards of multiple engagements.

Mick, are you saying you feel a man who has established loving relationships with children thought to be his should have the right to abdicate financial responsibility if he finds out they are not biologically his but maintain parental rights, such as visitation and authority over matters such as education and medical care? Rights and responsibilities almost always go hand in hand.

The unintended consequence is: If the man takes legal steps to prove he is not the father and no longer supports the child, I'm not sure he has any legally enforceable grounds for visitation. If the divorce or separation was contentious (which I think we can safely assume,) there is reason to believe the mother will withhold opportunities for any relationship. Is being proven right worth that?

Wow. You've taken on a touchy subject. My belief is, if passed, this law would be used by those men who are divorced or separated. Why should they pay support for a child they did not father???? I don't think it has anything to do with loving the child or not. What has economics got to do with love? There's an old saying; she always knows the baby is hers, he has to trust it is his. Just because a man says "hey this child is not mine and I just proved it" doesn't mean he is going to have nothing to do with the child. It might mean "find the clown you slept with to pay the support, in the meantime I have grown attached to this child and will continue to be a part of his life".Don't put the child in the middle of this issue. By doing so you are assuming too much. I support this bill 100%

You have articulated some things that have made me uncomfortable about this bill. While I can appreciate the dilemma of a man extricating himself from the extreme example of a crazy, irresponsible, unfaithful liar, wouldn't that mean the children need his presence in their lives even more? They are innocent.
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