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Blog Entry 13 of 20 Dying to Write
Someone told me that I should write a book about helping your sister handle her grief. As my profile states her husband was killed in an accident in January. We have been struggling to understand and to get through the days for the last six months. My blog is just about grief and family. Sounds pretty simple huh? I wish it was.

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~familycomes1st

Judging myself
Contributed by: Susanne Sanstra   on 10/4/2007

Okay Mick, you got me. I have been bothered by your comment the entire week.

I wrote a Blog about Nevaeh Gallegos because when I followed the story it made me mad. I wanted to ask the question about women and our Natural Instincts to protect our children.

My thoughts were specifically about whether our instinct to protect is overridden by our instincts to keep a man.

In my Blog I stated rather bluntly what I believe happened to Nevaeh. I want to say now that Mick was right. I was too judgmental. I do not really know what happened on the day that Nevaeh died.

Apparently, neither does the police nor the prosecuting DA. They have released both the mother and the boyfriend until more evidence can be found.

I am a very opinionated person. When I write it is with emotion and sometimes that overrides any clear thinking that should occur. I like to stimulate thought and dialogue about subjects that matter to me. This matters.

Regardless of how Nevaeh died, the fact remains that this guy was not the best choice for a babysitter. I feel that being a registered sex offender automatically rules you out.

I believe that once you become a mother your only job is to protect your children. Something here went terribly wrong in that area.

My sister and I had a great discussion about this because she is now in the Godforsaken place of having to date again. She was lucky because the guy she found has been in her life for a long time.

He was a friend of Steve's. This takes away a lot of the unknown. When your kids are involved the unknown can be destructive.

But the question of who gets our loyalty first the children or the man remains. Sometimes it seems that love is terribly blinding. We never want to think badly of someone that we love.

That holds true in both cases, doesn't it? We never want to think our children are doing anything wrong either.

It is easy to say that we must simply look at the facts. Things that can be proven, but when those things become fuzzy how do we make decisions that could inherently affect our lives?

Mick was right when he said I judged too soon. Even though it is a difficult thing to do, in some circumstances, life demands that we make decisions using our head and not our heart. If I had followed that advice I wouldn't have jumped to any conclusions where there simply aren't enough facts.

On the other hand, when it comes to MY kids lives I am going to use my best judgment even if the facts are not all in.

What's the worst that can happen? I will have to go back and apologize as I am doing right now.


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Submitted By: Barbara Neff
posted on 10/5/2007 @ 7:01:57 PM
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Good debate. One fact gullible, desperate women with small children sometimes overlook is the fact pedohphiles will often feign interest in the woman when the real draw is her young child/ren. Though we don't know what happened to Navaeh, looks as though she likely lived in a brutal, dysfunctional environment and endured horrors before her tiny little life ended. If her mother was a party to her abuse, either directly or through denial, poor child. What sad misfortune when a child has no one to trust nor turn to for help.
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Submitted By: Michael Rule
posted on 10/5/2007 @ 7:18:00 AM
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P.S. Turns out this woman had tried the same thing with 4 or 5 other men, including one she later married! Being a registerd sex offender makes that guy a poor choice for a babysitter, I agree, but what if he is innocent in Neveah's death? We just don't know yet.
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Submitted By: Michael Rule
posted on 10/5/2007 @ 7:13:23 AM
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Susannne, Obviously something terrible happened to Neveah. It upset me, too. Let me share a quick story. Last summer I recieved a forwarded e-mail. An old High School buddy who had been a minister for over 20 years and headed the largest S. Baptist church in the Cleveland area was charged with multiple counts of rape by a Thai woman. Headlines were hysterical and the deacons basically fired him from the church. Over $30,000.00 in lawyers later, and after going to court, it turns out this lady had fabricated the entire thing. There was absolutely no truth to the charges. In the meantime he was ruined financially; thank goodness his wife stuck with him. Now he is a minister of a small congregation in western Oklahoma. Two weeks ago he drove 7 hours up here to marry Susan and I. I couldn't be prouder. Media hysteria without the facts pisses me off. On the flip side, you were published yesterday! Cograts and great to see you are writing again; you are very good at it. Sincerely, Mick
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Submitted By: Susanne Sanstra
posted on 10/4/2007 @ 6:44:36 PM
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That is terrible. I am so sorry for the person you are writing about. I hope she got the help she undoubtedly needed.
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Submitted By: Karin Malchow
posted on 10/4/2007 @ 5:02:36 PM
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You sound like a reasonable, thoughtful person. I understand the feelings you conveyed in the previous blog. I knew a woman who was molested by her stepfather. Her mother didn't believe her. When she hit early teens, she went to the police. At first, they didn't believe her either. The jury believed her and he went to prison. Her mother took him back after he got out.
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Showing 1-5 of 5 comments
CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Susanne Sanstra

Larkspur , CO

Susanne Sanstra has posted 20 blog entries and 15 comments since joining on 8/4/2006. Susanne Sanstra 's average blog rating is 4.98.
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