The waitress for my table looked to be in her early 20s and kinda harried - - she rushed over, announced her name and, without really seeing me, asked how I was doing. I looked up, made eye contact and said “Great, how are YOU?” And she burst into tears. “You’re the only person who’s asked me that today,” she sobbed, and then she proceeded to tell me about her lousy day and her callous boss and...well, you’ve got the picture. After a minute of venting, she cleared right up and kept thanking me - - lemmetellya, I got very attentive service and ended up leaving her a massive tip.
It was such a LITTLE thing, requiring nothing more on my part than common courtesy and a couple of minutes out of my life. But it meant a lot to HER. And, as my waitress pointed out, common courtesy isn’t quite so common any more.
There was a time when manners were very stiff and formal, when you couldn’t speak to someone unless you’d first been properly introduced, when it was all “Miss” this and “Madam” that, when reputations were made or broken based on which fork was used for what dish. And then there’s present day, when you get no “thank you” from the person behind the counter at your favorite fast-food place, when people yak on cell phones in libraries and bookstores, when tailgating on Colorado highways has become an art form. Surely there’s a reasonable in-between that allows for a degree of informality while retaining the benefits of courtesy...and don’t call me Shirley.
Because we really, really do need courtesy - - while your knowledge of salad fork placement might have little impact on the people around you, your willingness to extend minimal respect and caring to those same people can have infinite ripple effects.
Here’s how it might go down: You and your 12-year-old son go to the grocery store. As you pass three other shoppers in the aisles, you make eye contact with them and smile - - you say “Excuse me” as you walk in front of the elderly man debating between brands of flour. You get to the checkout line with a full cart; queuing up behind you is a young man with four items, so you turn to him and say “Why don’t you go ahead? You only have a few things.” He looks astonished, thanks you and moves up. As you place your items on the counter, you remember to place a separation bar behind them so that the next person in line can unload her heavy burdens. You get up to the checker and see that she’s looking a tad stressed; she doesn’t say hello in her preoccupation. “How’s your day going?” you ask. She grins a bit ruefully and exchanges pleasantries with you - - you hear her say “Hello!” to the next person in line as you walk away.
So, let’s count together, shall we? How many people were affected by your “common” courtesies? Seven people you encountered in the store were touched by your kindness and have a high probability of passing that generosity of spirit on to someone else. Oh, yeah - - there was an eighth and most important person impacted by your courtesy and manners: your 12-year-old son. This is a lesson he’ll carry with him forever because he witnessed you DOING it instead of PREACHING about it.
The little courtesies matter. Without them, we aren’t going to continue to experience the quality of life that we all desire, not in a county with an exponentially growing population. So, decide that you’ll be the one to be courteous, no matter what - - no matter how much of a hurry you’re in, no matter how rude someone else is to you. And if that fast-food server still forgets to say “Thank you,” just say “You’re welcome” anyway!