I’m cranky.
It all started this morning with the mysterious arrival of a Denver Post newspaper in my driveway. You know the traditional one that unfolds to a size so large you need a third arm sprouting from your chest to maneuver it and drink coffee at the same time.
I have to read the paper and drink coffee each morning. These two activities in tandem are essential to the successful launching of my day. The non-traditional Rocky Mountain News with its neat, easy-to-handle size and pages that flip bookishly side to side did not arrive. Why not?
I fumed and struggled this morning (pick up coffee, sip coffee, put down coffee, pick up paper, read a page, put down paper, pick up coffee, sip coffee, ad nauseum), fueling enough crankiness to last throughout my day.
I visited a fast food place in Castle Rock at lunchtime. I ordered. The upbeat dude behind the counter handed me a cup so I could fix my own drink. When I said, “thank you” he replied, “not a problem.” When I asked if I could have my sandwich without onions, he replied, “not a problem.” When he handed me change I said, “thank you.” He replied, “not a problem.”
Not a problem? I was so annoyed I grabbed him by his skinny little tie, pulled his face to mine and spewed, “Listen rootbeer breath, there’s going to be a problem if you don’t stop saying not a problem!”
No, I didn't. Yes, I did. Not really. Really. No, not really.
What’s with people in Colorado? You know, I lived here from 1980 to 1990 before moving out of state. All this “not a problem” stuff has brought back memories of just before I moved away when people all around here were inappropriately using an earlier version of “not a problem”. The nonsense phrase of the late eighties was “no worries”. No worries! Where do these awful language viruses come from and how do they infest an entire state so thoroughly? I am back in Colorado for under a year and find "no worries" apparently morphed into "not a problem." Gee. I wonder what versions I missed between "no worries" and "not a problem" while I was away?
Do people realize they are saying “not a problem” when they should be saying “you’re welcome” or “I am happy to help” or “sure, I can get that for you”? Seems to me some are actually trying to see how many times they can work the phrase “not a problem” into conversation. Is there a contest underway I don’t know about?
I suppose there is a lesson here. I need coffee and the right newspaper each and every morning so I won't focus on minor annoyances. Minor annoyances can become major rants, which can be a problem.