RECENT STORIES

Castle Rock Band, director remake history ( YourHub.com )
Three teen hangings reportedly unrelated ( Douglas County Sheriffs Office )
What (and who) is next? ( James LaRue )
'Twilight' movie party ( Kristin Hayek )
Local nonprofits awarded more than $77K by council ( Town of Castle Rock )

share a story | more postings »

YourHub.com \\ Castle Rock \\ Stories \\ Sound Off \\ General Sound Off

Crossing over to the dark side

e-mail to a friend | print this | link to this

Contributed by: Jared Keller on 7/12/2006

Well, it's done. I've made my deal with the devil, consigned myself to a life of utter lethargy and inactivity, and completely forfeited my heretofore treasured ability to look down upon my less disciplined friends and family.

We're ditching the rabbit ears.

After nearly nine years of marriage, and countless nights of squinting at indecipherable broadcasts through blizzards of snow-blasted, fuzzy pictures, we've finally caved, and are getting satellite TV installed this Friday.

We're so weak. After all, the absence of premium TV has had many advantages for us; we've spent any number of nights in meaningful conversation, rather than staring at the TV, we go on frequent walks along the Highline Canal, and we see far more than our fair share of gorgeous sunsets sitting at Milliken Park while our more technologically enhanced bretheren devour hours of blessedly interference-free broadcasts. Oh, and again, we've been able to look down upon the unwashed masses, with their fancy-shmancy TVs, and blessedly diverse channel lineup. Cultural elitism is so much fun; now I know how Boulder County feels!

But those days are over, I'm afraid.

Oh sure, it's all well and good to make your own fun, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style, and create wacky dialogue for the static-cloaked show you're watching, but trust me...after several years of this sort of thing, it tends to grate on your spouse - no matter how patient he/she happens to be. Funny thing, though... Lost makes about as much sense in my version - a musical spinoff of Simon and Simon - as it does in the versions that my friends let us watch at their place.

Also, it's tough to participate in the inevitable water cooler discussions about popular shows when you have no idea why anyone on the show in question is doing what they do at any given moment. For example, until I heard about the plot from a friend at church, I'd have sworn 24 was a reality show about a former member of the Brat Pack who, for one reason or another, goes around shooting people in the thigh, and chasing after the Allstate insurance guy. Boy, was my face red when I found out about Jack Bauer; he doesn't just shoot people in the thigh. He also punches them in the neck, while shouting "we don't have time for this!!!" See? I was missing out on some pretty crucial plot points, all along.

Anyway...

I'm looking forward to crystal-clear reception (except in wind, rain, snow, or any other sub-optimal atmospheric condition), 155 channels to skip through (and then decide that there's nothing on), and the joy of having a contractor visit my house to drill still more holes in my wall, and install the ubiquitous dish. Oh, sure, I've heard the horror stories about satellite installs, but c'mon...in just two years, we've had our house ventillated by flying, Federally-protected vermin, seen our deck and roof smashed to itty-bitty pieces by falling Cottonwood death-limbs, and been told by the radon folks that we're all going to die of cancer (or spontaneous decapitation. I can't remember which) in approximately seven weeks. Surely something has to go smoothly for us, right?

Right? Anybody?

Yeah...that's what I'm thinking, too.

[Report this as objectionable content.]

SUBMIT COMMENT

Rate the above story

Talk Back : submit comments to the story

*Note: you need to log-in to add a comment or rating.

Thank you! Your comment has been updated.

CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Jared Keller

Littleton

Jared Keller has posted 465 stories and 64 comments since joining on 12/1/2005. Jared Keller 's average story rating is 4.86.

view profile » view other postings from Jared Keller »

SAVE AND SHARE THIS STORY

digg	Google
del.icio.us	Yahoo!
reddit	newsvine

What is this?

STORY RSS FEEDS

All stories

All stories in Castle Rock

All stories by Jared Keller

WANT TO WRITE FOR YOURHUB.COM?

Want to see the stories you write and the photos you shoot featured in the YourHub.com Thursday print section available all over the Front Range and with home subscriptions of the Rocky Mountain News and The Denver Post? All you have to do is register, then post a story or column, start a blog or tell everyone what events are happening in town. We will print the best stories, columns, event listings, photos and blog entries in our print sections.

Loading Ad