When his children were overwhelmed by fear, Father Graham Hess, the main character in the M. Night Shyamalan film “Signs,” got down on their level, looked into their eyes and told them the story of their birth. “Morgan, on the day you were born . . .” Such is the power of family stories. They have the potential to mark, bless and encourage the listener with words that transcend current circumstances.
Family stories communicate meaning, significance, history and fun. They serve as a connection to the past and often provide a glimpse of the future. Daniel Taylor in his book, The Healing Power of Stories writes, “Families are united more by mutual stories–of love and pain and adventure–than by biology. ‘Do you remember when . . .’ bonds people together far more than shared chromosomes . . . a family knows itself to be a family through its shared stories. When we speak of being related, we are speaking of the relationship of characters in interwoven stories the family tells to us and tells about us.” As another author has put it, “Telling a story helps put things in perspective and helps us learn more about ourselves. Good stories sharpen our experiences; like dreams they help us sort out what’s really important amidst the confusing signals of everyday life. Parenting has its difficulties and bitterness, but it also has treasures that can enrich our lives.” Family story telling captures those treasures and shares them with others.
In addition to communicating family history, stories help children to understand how the family makes sense of its world, express rules of interactions, and create beliefs about relationships. They serve as a form of entertainment and a means to create shared meaning and values.
The great thing about family stories is that a little effort can go a long way. Consider the following ideas to help you, and your family, capture your stories and share them amongst yourselves and others.
§ Tell a story when a memory pops in your head. You may get a few “Oh Mom/Dad things are different now!” but for the most part kids love to hear about your experiences. Just don’t start out by saying, “I remember when . . . “!
§ Have a regular storytelling time as a family.
§ Ask relatives for stories they recall. Video tape grandparents as they tell their favorite stories.
§ Make a list of virtues you would like to nurture in the life of your children. Think back over your life and your extended family’s history for stories that illustrate a particular virtue.
§ Have family members write on slips of paper: the funniest thing that ever happened to me; the most embarrassing; the weirdest; the scariest, my best memory etc. use the slips of paper to jumpstart storytelling times around the diner table.
§ Share with your children the moment(s) with them that you hold closest to your heart.
§ Tell about the experience(s) in your life that you treasure the most.
§ Continually remind your children of your “Love Story,” . . . how you met, what attracted you to each other, your first date, how you proposed etc
§ Use holidays or birthday celebrations to tell stories specific to a particular child.
Isak Dinesen, best known by many for her memoir “Out of Africa,” said, “To be a person is to have a story to tell.” She is not alone in that thought. When reporters in Chicago (Chicago Journal, May 26, 1982) asked a group of urban school children what would happen if there were no stories in the world, one child responded, “People would die of seriousness,” and another answered, “There wouldn’t be a world, because stories make the world.”
You may not feel like your stories “make the world” but they can definitely enrich your world and the world of your children.
Rich Batten is the father of four, the family and consumer science agent for CSU Cooperative Extension Office in Douglas County and author of the e-mail newsletter Fastbreak for Fathers from which this article is excerpted. For back issues www.douglascountyextension.org. Click on the Family/Consumer tab.