Dear Coach Greg: I have a confession to make - I sometimes lose my temper over the slightest provocation and I'm afraid that it may break up our family if I don't get help soon. The stress at work is unreal. I'm working at least 60 hours a week and occasionally I travel 3-4 nights during the week. On the weekends all I want to do is sleep and have some fun (golf, have a beer with the guys, channel surf, etc.). Instead, I find myself snapping at our kids, critical of my wife, and drinking more than I should. Can you help me become the husband and father that I want to be before I lose everything that I've worked hard for and truly love?
Expect Better of Myself
Dear Expect: Congratulations!The first step is admitting to yourself and others that you need help - and you've done that in your letter. Your next step is to accurate information from a self- help book on anger and alcohol abuse; attend an anger management workshop and A.A. meetings regularly; and hire a qualified relationship coach, counselor, or therapist. A few of the coping skills that you will want to learn and apply to your daily life will be: the A.R.E.A. Anger Model by Steve Duncan; writing acknowledgements and appreciations for yourself and others; and learning some self-soothing activities (exercise, mow the lawn, clean the garage, journaling, etc.) before your stress turns into violent anger and abuse. I would also like to recommend that your wife and children (depending on their ages) also get support, practical skills on how to receive your anger, and a safe place to stay when you are unable to control your behavior. The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is: 1-800-799-7233. A professional can refer you and your family to local services.
For additional relationship resources for couples:
1. visit:
www.RelationshipCoach.us, then click on Upcoming Workshops -
Anger Can Be Toxic to Your Relationships: 4 Strategies to Handle Conflict Without Losing Your Cool!, choose a date, then register with Arapahoe Community College Community Education;
2.read the following relationship books:
Fearless Loving by Rhonda Britten, and
You Don't Have to Take it Anymore, by Steven Stosny;
3. for monthly relationship support and interaction with like minded couples visit:
www.RelationshipCoach.us, then click on Services Offered -
Starting a Couples' Support Group.
Send your relationship question for
Relationship Coaching Corner to:
gregrthiel@comcast.net or visit
www.RelationshipCoach.us.