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Please, no air guitar at the table


I'm a man of somewhat eclectic musical tastes. I'm perfectly happy to pop a little Boccherini into the CD player, and then follow that up with some Chris Isaak, Jack Johnson, Harry Connick, Jr., Future of Forestry (never heard of 'em? They're nifty.), or Mark Knopfler. Similarly, I might listen to some hymns sung in heavenly fashion by Alison Krauss, move to Suo Gan, from the John Williams-penned soundtrack to Steven Spielberg's 1987 epic Empire of the Sun, follow that up with some kodo music from the Yoshida Brothers, shift over to something from Mute Math or Coldplay, and then finish the session off with some Slade or Queen.

Here - in the land of thunderous guitars - is where things get entertaining.

The Girl loves music. She's picked up on my crazy tastes, but with one critical difference; at present, she's got a thing for hair bands. Well, to be honest (and fair), not just hair bands. She's just a big fan of anything with some crunchy guitar, and a driving beat. Given that two of my guilty pleasures are AC/DC and Van Halen, she has frequent opportunities to engage in her newfound favorite vehicle for musical expression: air guitar.

Somewhere along the way, our four year-old daughter has learned the art of the air guitar - complete with a look that alternates between fierce concentration, and, well...constipation. Oh, sure, she breaks into grins and giggles when she notices that she's being watched, but she takes her invisible string-strumming seriously.

We've had to establish a new rule for mealtime, of late, given the ferocity of her dancing about and outright rawking. In short, there's no air guitar at the table. None. Zippo. Period. Doesn't matter if Angus Young's going nuts on Thunderstruck, SRV's diving into a little bit of Pipeline with Dick Dale, or Phil Keaggy's got it throttled back for his cover of Van Morrison's When Will I Ever Learn to Live in God? - no air guitar. No strumming, dancing, or overt toe-tapping.

This is a tall order for The Girl, however, as her bloodstream seems to be composed of at least 31% rhythm. This is a kid who loves to dance, loves music, and pretty much, drinks deeply from the cup of life. Still...a family has to have some sense of order amid the chaos of everyday life doesn't it? Surely, asking her to refrain from full-on Eddie Van Halenism at the table isn't too much to ask.

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