Article Contributed on: 12/2/2008 5:21:52 PM
When Black Friday came and went, I was there. For the first time ever, and the last time ever, unless they start giving away gigantic plasma TVs, I was a participant in this unforgettable cultural phenomenon. Lots of people joined me. It was all consuming.
This started with a casual sorting of the 45 pounds of retail ads that came with the Thursday newspaper. Something caught my eye, a television sound system, good brand, great price. The Red Ryder BB gun of TV sound systems.
This fueled a feeding frenzy of electronics within me. I tossed and turned all night with visions of things you can plug in stuck in my head. Great deals would pass me by, if I didn't seize the retail moment. Could I live with the regret? Apparently not.
I was awake so why not get up and go to a store at 4:30 a.m.? Going out in the cold and dark at this hour to shop for anything other than an emergency donut, aspirin, or cough syrup was entirely new to me.
The parking lot was packed. People in line already, two hundred thick.
Didn't these people know there is a recession going on?
Doors opened promptly at 5:00 a.m. After the first batch goes in, you wait until somebody comes out, one by one. They don't tell you this.
I was dressed for an overheated store filled with a milling crowd, not for an hour of standing outside in 17 degree weather. They make you stand in line waiting until somebody comes out to get your frozen body. That's nowhere in those ads. Think of a dark, cold Disney World without the bendy lines and ropes.
There is status thing among people waiting in line. Those getting really big things like you to know about it, like the guy in front of me.
"Yeah I'm getting a 64 inch plasma TV for the mountain cabin, may get two."
Is there such a thing as hording big TVs?
Somebody asked me what I was getting.
"Well, they have this great deal on an alarm clock. And get this... it wakes you up to music!"
Our conversation sort of trailed off from there.
We were an orderly crowd complete with experts. The Internet makes experts of those who bother to study. I heard all kinds of opinions about LCD or plasma, 1080i good thing or bad thing, refresh rates. I was more confused than ever and how could I apply any of this to alarm clocks?
There wasn't a browsing customer among us. Nobody was there to just check out the merchandise. A very committed group, driven and some frozen.
Shopping with a purpose was different for me. I'm the kind that goes up and down grocery aisles grabbing things until I have a basket full of stuff I hadn't planned on getting. Making a meal out of pretzels, Funyuns, salsa, ice cream and carrots is tough.
Using that same strategy here could get a guy into real trouble.
Good thing I had my personal shopper. No kidding, they assign somebody to tend to you once you make it inside. Probably so you won't run off with the goods in the delirium brought on by all that cold weather standing torture.
"Hi I'm Mike. Do you have your voucher?"
Another thing they don't tell you. There are very limited quantities of the things they show on the front pages of the ads. They pass out vouchers for the items to the lucky first few. But mine was a back page item.
There was a big whiteboard scribbled with the many sold out items checked off in red marker.
"I was told I didn't need one. The line monitor told me you had plenty of these inside. He never lied to me before." All true.
"Well okay."
I got what I came for and Mike offered to carry it out to my car. I declined, he had done enough already.
Next year I am going to sell hot chocolate to everybody waiting in line and use the proceeds to pay regular price, in the daylight, for something I actually need.