I never considered that throwing a birthday party for two of my children who have birthdays 11 years and 1 day apart could have the potential entertainment value for my adult guests that it did. Aside from the willingness of these guests to celebrate my daughter's special day with us, there was also a little underlying drama they were anticipating.
It was one daughter's thirteenth birthday and my baby daughter's 2 nd (by a different father) and it was the attendance of the 2-year-old's father that had everyone wondering how the evening would unfold.
Why would that be interesting to them? To date, this man has had very limited contact with my daughter during her two years of life, and this birthday would mark the sixth visit this year - it's September. That in itself says something about the nature of his relationship with my daughter as well as me, but that is another story. Obviously there's some history here and you can probably imagine the situation has been a bit strained to say the least. This however was not the only reason my guests were intrigued about the evening.
The perceived "drama-to-be" was that the man I have been seeing for the last several months would also be present at the event; not that I wanted drama nor would I wish to create any at my children's birthday party. I expected that everyone would behave respectfully and appropriately. It was observing the interactions between me, the ex, and the new guy that some of the guests were curious to witness.
My decision to include both men was based on the reality of what my life is today, not drama. The fact is that the man I'm seeing has spent much more time with my daughter than her father and he knows her well, as she does him. He is a consistent figure in both of our lives and this is not true of her father. Under these circumstances it would be inappropriate and unnecessary not to have included my S.O. as well as her father.
I knew from the beginning of her existence that I would have to put my differences with my daughter's father aside for her benefit and if he wants to be a part of her life then he will be. The fact that she does not yet know the word "daddy" let alone make that connection to her father when she does see him is entirely a result of his choices and actions. What relationship does develop between the two is up to him and I hope it's a positive one. Inviting him to come to the birthday was one of many opportunities he's had to step up and be there for her and this time he did.
I do not know whether he was uncomfortable or not by being here and I do give him some credit for showing up. He was not present at her birth or first birthday, any other milestones, or for most of her life so to walk into a setting where the guests were my friends and family he likely knew he was not thought of in the best of light. Regardless they all know that he's still her father and the important thing is what's best for my daughter; none of them would or did put him on the spot or call him out for things he's done in the past. Now is what matters.
My daughter's father came and the party went off without a hitch. Although the spotlight was somewhat on him as well as the birthday girls, he didn't seem to be bothered by it. My S.O. graciously hung back while father interacted with his daughter and as far as I know my ex never noticed the presence of someone significant in me or my daughter's life. I chose to skip the formal introduction and let the night unfold as it would. It did and was just another day in the life of a successfully functioning "dysfunctional" family. It is what it is...