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Blog Entry 18 of 30 Wine Advice from a non Ascot Wearing Dude
My goal is to share honest, non-snooty, advice on wine as if you were talking to your next door neighbor and he said, "Hey maaaan, last night, me and the old lady, we had a really nice bottle of wine, I totally would recommend it." I think that the world of wine can be intimidating and confusing because there is so much to choose from. At times I felt that I needed to buy a velvet smoking jacket, bust out the ascot and say things like, "By-jove this bouquet strikes my fancy!" Like most hobbies, there are the professionals, the beginners, and all of us in between. I hope to post stories that shoot straight from the hip, the good and bad experiences alike, as I travel through the crazy world of wine.

Wine: Senior citizens, fuzzy cupids, & 34DD bras
Contributed by: Mike Keleman   on 8/24/2007

Like most Yourhub.com users, when Thursday rolls around I grab the morning newspaper and look to see if one of my blogs has been published. For the last several weeks, to my dismay, I have not seen my smiling picture nor my words of wisdom.

Furthermore, after reading what does get published, if that's your goal, I am convinced that you've got to write mushy, love filled, "this is what I learned and I am now a better person for it", junk-o-la. Throw in one sexual reference, some embellishment, anything that offends senior citizens, or a few cuss words and you are on the Yourhub.com black list.

With that said, I'm going to do my best to play by the "rules":

(Visualize birds chirping, flowers floating on a gentle breeze, and warm fuzzy cupids flapping about.)

My wife and I celebrated our 10 th wedding anniversary on August 23, 2007. We officially started dating in high school, when for Valentine's Day I sent her a rose with a note that read, "How about diner and a movie some time?" Diner, dinner, she got the point. Therefore, I guess you can call us high school sweet hearts (this is were you go "awe, how sweet").

Over the past 10+ years I've found that one of the keys to a successful marriage is to buy insightful presents. Unlike most men, I have no problem buying my wife clothes. One time I saw a sexy, plaid, school-girl, skirt that I thought she'd look great in. However, I didn't know her size so I snuck a peek at her jeans: W 28. I then went to the mall and bought the skirt in a size 14. You see, 28 inches all the way around divided by two equals a size 14, right?

Wrong.

When she tried the skirt on it slid right off her hips and down to her ankles...which, from my perspective, wasn't all that bad. I now know her sizes (dress size 4, shoe 12, bra 34 DD)...that's what I learned and I 'm now a better person for it.

Furthermore, I'll leave love notes for her to find. Recently she bought a can of paint for our bathroom and asked me to slap some of it on the wall so that she could see if it was the right color. I gladly painted a sample of it as well as the note: M + A = <visualize a heart shape here> followed by an arrow pointing to two stick figures posed in a sexual position.

The best part was a few days later when the tile contractor showed up to give us an estimate. The three of us were in the bathroom when I said, "Hey babe, that paint looks good...what's that (me pointing at the stick figures)?" Yeah, the look on her face was one of surprise...and that's what I learned and I'm now a better person for it.

As we sat at a nice romantic table in our favorite sushi restaurant celebrating 10 years of marriage it was her turn to surprise me. Her gift to me was a creative Top-10 list of reasons she's more in love with me now then when we were first married. We also shared a nice 2004 Pinot Blanc from Trimbach. The key with this pairing is that the Pinot Blanc has a nice mineral after taste that complements the fresh sushi,or any other sea food for that matter, extremely well.

I know what you're thinking, what was her #1 reason?

It was because I'm an animal in bed who satisfies her every time to the point where her cries of passion wake up the senior citizens on our block who then yell out their windows, "SHUT THE #$&* UP WE'RE TRYING TO WATCH WHEEL OF FORTUNE".

Dang, blacklisted again and I was doing so well...and that's what I learned and I'm now a better person for it.




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Showing 1-10 of 19 comments
Submitted By: Kim Price
posted on 9/18/2007 @ 7:28:06 PM
Rated Blog Entry
size 12 shoe with a size 4 dress...hmmm
Submitted By: Mike Keleman
posted on 9/4/2007 @ 9:00:25 AM
Rated Blog Entry
Gladys, we don't consider you a senior. Clark, that's what you get when you start hanging out with the wrong crowd. Bill, you suck.
Submitted By: William Boucher
posted on 8/30/2007 @ 9:08:04 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Ha! I got one printed today with the words dog genitalia. Neener, neener, ha, ha.
Submitted By: Gladys Mercier
posted on 8/29/2007 @ 9:24:10 PM
Rated Blog Entry
I am a senior citizen and I like most of your blog!
Submitted By: Michael Rule
posted on 8/29/2007 @ 5:41:35 PM
Rated Blog Entry
I, too, seem to be banned by the YourHub gods.......oh well. I'm pretty sure it was the woody jokes that got me blacklisted.....signed Clark
Submitted By: Mike Keleman
posted on 8/28/2007 @ 7:28:37 AM
Rated Blog Entry
Bill - yeah, we have the police blotter, much like my blog I check to see if my name is in it too. Jamie - you're not supposta sniff beer you're supposta drink it, maybe that's your problem :)
Submitted By: Jamie VanEaton
posted on 8/28/2007 @ 12:57:37 AM
Rated Blog Entry
I admit I've been bad. I have no idea if they're even printing my stuff. I'd be shocked if they're not printing yours, though. I don't even sniff beer and I read your blog. Is the one-star for 'we're number one?!"
Submitted By: William Boucher
posted on 8/26/2007 @ 9:17:12 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Do they do the police blotter on your hub? Like I give two craps what the Brighton criminal element is up to. I'd much rather read some light recreational fare from a deceptively handsome endomorph. By the way, funny shiite.
Submitted By: John Zwick
posted on 8/25/2007 @ 10:02:42 AM
(Not Rated)
I don't want to single out seniors in particular, but I'm all for the general offending of people.
Submitted By: Kevin Villegas
posted on 8/24/2007 @ 2:20:35 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Your blog is still why I come to work in the morning. At least there's that.
Showing 1-10 of 19 comments
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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Mike Keleman

Arvada , CO

Mike Keleman has posted 30 blog entries and 223 comments since joining on 12/27/2006. Mike Keleman 's average blog rating is 4.88.
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