Contributed by:
Brendan Leonard/YourHub.com
Article Contributed on: 3/10/2007 2:39:35 PM
If they adhere to the adage "Environmental bumper stickers don't mean s@#% when they're stuck to cars," dirt-eating, tree-hugging environmentalists can sometimes be hard to spot. But they're out there.
"Not in my office," you say. But it's true. Environmentalists have infiltrated every part of American commerce, quietly rinsing out soda cans, rescuing recyclable paper from the trash, and only turning on the restroom faucet when they need to rinse the soap from their hands. And it could be someone you've known for years; even someone working in the next cubicle over.
How do you identify these dirtballs? Do they all drive hybrid cars, have Sierra Club messenger bags and eat vegetarian lunches every day? Not necessarily. The true warning signs can be much more subtle. We'd like to help you identify them, these employees who have a much-higher-than-normal belief in saving the planet, the people who just might be working up the nerve to put in their two weeks' notice so they can go live in an old-growth Douglas Fir somewhere in Oregon for the next six months. Take a look around.
The photo at right (
click here for the full-size pic), taken at an unnamed staffer's desk at YourHub.com World Headquarters in downtown Denver, shows seven subtle red flags you can identify yourself, if you just happen to catch a glimpse of them on the desk of someone in your workplace. Yes, even Joe from accounting.
1) Gladware, Tupperware and other reusable plastic containers. Instead of bringing food to work in Ziploc bags or plastic wrap that's doubtlessly clogging a landfill or choking a seagull somewhere, the employee brings food in reusable, washable plastic containers.
2) Reusable eating utensils. A true tree-hugging dirt-eater won't sacrifice even one throw-away spoon or fork, made from petroleum-based plastic that continues to keep the U.S. dependent on oil and probably displaces a bunch of fish or something somewhere in Alaska.
3) Refillable water bottle. See No. 2. Hippies never get tired of drinking out of the same disgusting, rarely-washed plastic bottle, continually dosing themselves with their own filthy bacteria. The model in the photo is believed to be nearly four years old.
4) Reusable coffee cup. On the rare occasion that the nature worshipper ventures to a coffee shop to pay some conquistador corporation way too much money for some espresso, they at least won't contribute to the billions of paper cups piling up in our landfills.
5 and 6) Bike helmet and messenger bag. Sit in traffic and pump more greenhouse gases into the earth's atmosphere? A true green crusader wouldn't be caught dead commuting by car. They prefer to sweat on a bike, legs of their dress pants tucked into their socks, street muck splattering a black stripe up the back of their shirt, self-righteous about the moral high ground they believe they occupy on their two-wheeled transport. You've seen them. They may have even given you the finger.
7) Gigantic pile of recyclable material. Next time you throw away anything plastic, aluminum or cardboard, take a quick look up from the trash and see if anyone is shaking their head and muttering something like "Oh yeah, just use it up; we'll go get another planet somewhere." That's our guy (or girl), probably storing rinsed-out garbage under their desk like a pack rat. If you want to ruin their day, grab their beloved recyclables and take them to the Dumpster out back.
[Full disclosure: That's my desk in the photo. I also cut the little window things out of envelopes at home so I can recycle them. There.]
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