First came Adam.

Then Eve.

And all was well in the Garden of Eden.

Until ...

One fine day about the third week in existence Eve noticed something was a little off, and she felt new feelings she called twinges ... an irritating nagging need to slap someone silly just because they looked at her sideways and since Adam was the only one around, well ...man could just deal. Sigh! She contained herself. God himself was watching after all.

It started out like every other day.

Adam awoke and wanted sex. This after he left the toilet seat up for which she made the frigid discovery in the middle of the night yet again only to find that he left the toilet paper roll empty, but okay, she went along for the ride because, after all, she liked sex too and it wasn't like Adam left the seat up all the time, just most of the time ... the sex wasn't bad, but it didn't shake any apples out of the tree either.

Of course Adam asked for food immediately upon completion of sex to which she replied with a dagger-filled look of doom because God forbid he fix his own breakfast or perhaps fix her a little something to eat. Adam was wise, so off to work in the Garden he went hungry and planning to pick up something on his way.

Eve was left alone to ponder her new found emotions ... I mean twinges. She swept the Garden floor with pine tree branches and washed Adam's fig leaves. She put the toilet seat down (again), replaced the empty toilet paper roll with the new roll stored within arms length and picked up the wet towels Adam left in a pile by the pond to stink and mold. Eve cleaned the rest of their home and then started to fix food for Adam because he would come back mid-day growling like that creature God created last week and want food. He'd probably want more sex too. And, then he'd go back to work tending the figs only to return upon dusk to want more food and more sex before retiring to complain about his difficult day while she listened and appeared blissfully attentive because, after all, it's all about him and his Poor Me Syndrome!

Eve didn't like these new twinges.

Deep cleansing breath! Much better; she was probably just tired.

Eve decided to ask God to create a distraction for Adam so she could get some rest. Perchance some entertainment ... more humans ... yes, that would do. They could play games and trample on each other keeping each other preoccupied with their boasting of victories past and future. Conceivably, they could throw a large piece of fruit, a mango maybe, while trying to keep each other from making it across to the end of a field ... ummm ... Adam would like that. She would call it football.

Yes, the day ended as expected. Eve kept her composure and didn't slap Adam upside the head because he wouldn't snuggle her after sex (it took all her resolve not to smother him with a pillow while he slept). Instead, she lay listening to the rattling noises exiting his nose and drifted off into thought. Eve fantasized long and hard about the possibility of living alone in the Garden of Eden strolling for food when hunger pangs beckoned, reading good novels and drinking coffee without being interrupted. Oh the joy. It was all good and since the new twinges made her bold, the decision was easy. As she held the soft feathery thing above Adam's head stewing in her new found twinge-induced power, a little thing fell from the sky and hit her in the head before landing on her lap in front of her.

God commanded (and nobody messes with God), "Eat it."

She took the dark round thing with white creamy goo in the middle and placed it in her mouth.

Halleluiah! The Heavenly Choir above sang with gusto. Halleluiah!

Ah, sugar, chocolate, enriched flour, oleic canola oil and/or palm oil and/or canola oil, soy lecithin (emulsifier), vanillin (an artificial flavor) and cocoa ... manna from Heaven.

Eve closed her eyes as the perfect food filled and washed over her. Her toes curled and happiness enveloped her heart. A rush of excitement raced through to her core, and Eve declared God's new nourishment better than sex. Poor Adam.

She opened her eyes and searched for more. She needed more. "That's it?" she cried while scanning the night sky in despair. There has to be more! Why would God tease her so with just one? Anxiety welled and anger stirred, "What the ...?"

And it began to rain - a dry sprinkling of little bits of chocolate Heaven. She ate her fill and all was right with the world. Adam would live to see another day.

Eve would call God's perfect creation Oreos.

###

And you all thought it was Nabisco's handiwork. Nah!

By the way, while Nabisco was busy doing God's work, it was a woman who thought to cover Oreos in rich mint chocolate. You're welcome.

P.S. I hope I'm not struck with lightening.