Dear Darth Vader,
Let me just say...big fan. I love your work. It's too bad the ones with all the say only saw you as one character (Do you hate George Lucas for that?) and you weren't able to spread your wings as an actor. I would have loved to have seen your take on say the dad in
Juno ( or maybe even as Juno...blow peoples minds), or opposite
Meg Ryan in
You Got Mail, possibly as
Axel Foley in
Beverly Hills Cop, or as
Robocop. I think you could have been just as good or even better as
Daniel Plainview in
There Will Be Blood or even
Jules Winnfield in
Pulp Fiction... mad skills. In fact, I will go so far as to say that you could have made a movie like
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days completely watchable, but not
Fools Gold, not even
God could save that one. Well maybe one day, fingers crossed. Look, I'm rowing a different boat here and unforturnately this letter isn't all doting and hetero smiting. I write this letter out of concern for your
Miley Cyrus/Lindsay Lohan/Britney Spears like behavior.
You've always been the type ofperson that can refrain from easily accesible impetuous desires. You've kept it on the straight and narrow, I mean you had to, you're the Dark Lord of the Sith.Willy-nilly isn't in your vocabulary. At least that's what I thought.
I've uncovered some potentially damaging material...3 photos . These photos say a lot and I'm a little concerned that you're heading towards a different dark side.
Picture #1. Clearly sending the wrong message to your fans. You know what this says to me "
Hey man,
where's the naked party at"? Do you think the fanboys who spend countless hours in the
Star Wars chat rooms discussing your supposed evil nature want to see you cutting loose with a few
Heinekens, taking a faineant approach to life? Where's your disipline Dark Lord? This won't get you respect, it will get you a communicable disease. How hard do you think people will laugh when they see you at the clinic buying topical creams to clear up that rash? Not cool Darth, not cool.
Picture #2- Speaking of diseases, picture number #2...clearly not demonstrating your strict approach to the code of the Sith. Wasn't
Padme the only love of your life, wasn't she the reason you finally dove head first into the dark side? You know what the picture says to me? I'll tell you what it doesn't say, "
I'm Darth Vader and if you cross me, I will choke to last breath out of you". It says, "
Hey man, the Kai Epsilon's are throwing a kegger down on South Padre during spring break bro". Get ahold of yourself, those girls could be your daughters.
One more thing, if you have a mirror, take a good hard look before you go out and do anything embarrassing, like taking off your shirt...I'm just saying.
Picture #3---I am really at a loss for words on this one. How can you expect people to respect your authority. This is just embarrassing.
Liberace just called, he said you were the biggest fruit he's ever seen. You read that correctly.
What's the matter Darth, why must you lash out like this? I...we...are here to help. Where's the old Darth, the one with all the anger, the one with the master plan? Let's bring him back before this leads you to...
Celebrity Rehab on
VH1 and then to
Oprah...crying and hawking your book
Tales from the Other Dark Side:
From Death Star to Death Wish . Pull it together man. ..for the kids.
Your friend and battery mate (see profile photo)
Paul Hughes