I'll be honest kids; some of the movies on this list rode me hard and put me up wet. Without further ado, the worst films of 2008...

10) The Day the Earth Stood Still -- Let me tell you about the day I went to see this movie. I learned something on that day. Give Keanu Reeves only 5 words per sentence, nothing meaty or pithy and you then have an actor that seems pretty good at his craft. Keanu character's comes to earth to eradicate the human race because we're destroying it ... how Al Gore of him. Keanu then gets the hots for Jennifer Connelly and decides to save us and then he disappears. I've decided to change my habits because I don't want Keanu coming back to make more movies. Lesson learned Keanu ... lesson learned.

9) The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor -- You see kids I have an addiction. The film de cinema is my drug and I'll never be able to quit her. I tried and lasted only 4 weeks...the worst 4 weeks of my life. Seeing this movie is a direct result of going to the movie theater and finding there is nothing you want to see. You could walk away and do something else, but your addiction is too great an animal so you find yourself buying a ticket to Dragon Emperor. You know walking in this could be the movie that kills you but you don't care,you just need a little taste, something to tide you over until the next weekend. Why does Brendan Fraser always yell when he's delivering a joke? How bad does Jet Li need money when he's reducing himself to this silliness? How relieved is Rachel Weisz that she chose to skip this one? How upset is Maria Bello that she took her place? Then there's the Yetis. In the movie one of them drop kicks a bad guy between two mountains. The Yeti then throws up the field goal sign...seriously. That's when I officially checked out. The Yeti should have gone for two. I should have went and saw the Dark Knight for the 4th time.

8) Star Wars: The Clone Wars -- I can't help myself, any title with the word "Star Wars" in it I immediately get excited and convince myself it's going to be awesome. George Lucas now loves to bite the hand that feeds him but I'll tell you this, if next summer I see this title -- Star Wars: Sex in the City 2. Count me in line for the midnight show ... because no matter how many times the man has burned me, I will still get excited. Maybe George Lucas should work a deal to have the Star Wars name show up on every movie to dupe people into going. Star Wars: Speed Racer, Star Wars: Australia, Star Wars: Bangkok Dangerous. People might get excited about seeing those movies. I'm just saying. Oh yeah the Clone Wars movie-awful.

7 ) Tropic Thunder -- Seriously? People praised and subsequently nominated him for a Golden Globe, Tom Cruise for his "genius" performance as studio boss Les Grossman. Let me don a different hat right now ... ready ... I HATE THIS F***KING MOVIE YOU STUPID PIECE OF S**T. HOW DO LITTLE F**KERS GET THE MONEY TO MAKE THIS PILE OF MONKEY S**T. That in a nutshell was Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder ... genius huh? Robert Downey Jr. puts on the black face and there is talk of an Oscar nomination. Ted Danson donned the black face back in 1993 and we really haven't heard from him since. I know Ted, where is the love? Here's a little advice, just because you're a comedic actor doesn't mean you already wired to make an insider satire about making movies ... wasn't this movie supposed to be a comedy? Oh wait I did chuckle when Tom said f***... genius indeed.

6) Righteous Kill -- My geek world was destroyed with this movie. Oh Bobby, oh Al, what I am going to do with you two? It was all just a matter of caring about your product. The movie would have worked had you just cared. Sure the story seemed like it was written by some housewife in Littleton that's watched one too many episodes of NCIS and the twist ending was figured out 30 minutes into the movie but had you just cared, Righteous Kill would've been...kinda righteous. The New Kid on the Block guy cared. You were out acted by a New Kid on the Block. That's the saddest statement I've ever made in my life and I once told a girl that I really dug Sarah Mclachlan just so I could see her girl parts. BTW I only saw her top section. I probably should have thrown in that I was big Alanis Morrisette fan or something.

5) What Happens in Vegas -- it's embarrassing to admit your faults in life. I am neither a Cameron Diaz fan nor am I an Ashton Kutcher fan. For some reason when I saw the trailer for this movie it intrigued me. Intrigued in the way one might be intrigued when they hear Joan Rivers is starring in the remake of Basic Instinct. Do you want to see it ... no. Will you be able to turn away...no. Why can't you turn away ... no explanation, you just can't. Do you watch ... only up until the nudity ends. How dirty do you feel knowing you'd watch Joan Rivers in a Basic Instinct remake? This movie makes those Dane Cook movies seem like the greatest movies ever.

4) War Inc -- Oh thank you John Cusack for wrapping your political beliefs into a war time satire called War Inc. Thank you oh star of Pushing Tin. I really don't have much to write on this movie on account it put me asleep 35 minutes in.

3) The Happening -- The trees and the plant life are upset so they emit a toxin into the air to kill the humans. The humans try to run away from the wind so the toxin doesn't catch up to them ... you read that right. I wish this would have been one of the smell-o-vision movies but instead of giving us the smell of wet grass, the theater emits the toxin and right before you die M. Night Shyamalan comes on screen and yells "SUCKER". It would have been a fitting end.

2) Hamlet 2 -- I've been known from time to time when walking out of a movie to declare right there on the spot that what I just saw was the worst movie ever. I don't really mean it as I'm just angry. Hamlet 2 is the worst movie I have ever seen...seriously. And I saw that movie with Lass Bass and Joey Fatone, On The Line. I read an article that stated the writer of Hamlet 2, Pam Brady, who was/is a writer for South Park and helped write Team America: World Police, and the South Park movie was the secret weapon when it comes to the above mentioned successes. After seeing Hamlet 2 I call BS. Did she write that article herself? The only thing offensive about this movie and that Rock Me Sexy Jesus song was that someone found her script to be clever. I pray for that person because if I ever meet them, I'm gonna smack their momma.

1) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull -- I know I said that Hamlet 2 was possibly the worst movie I have seen but there was no greater crime in 2008 than Indiana Jones. Steven Spielberg you're better than this. You could have just remade Raiders of the Lost Ark and I wouldn't have felt so ripped off like I did with Crystal Skull. The more I think about it you could have stuck Indiana Jones in Hook, remade that, and I would've felt better. How do you f*** this one up? What sort of sick power does George Lucas have over you? Crystal Skull was bonkers bad: aliens, Mutt, Marion, androgynous Cate, bad soap opera Male/Female bickering, Indiana getting married at the end, no Sean Connery ... ugh. I hate to say this but when is the next National Treasure movie coming out? Let me put it to you another way; when I was 19, there was this girl, Tera Becker. I liked her this........................ much. I wanted her to be my girlfriend. On New Years Eve, we were both at the same party. She was being flirty with me. I was drinking Southern Comfort and not pacing myself. I eventually threw up...most on the floor; she was hit with a little shrapnel...maybe a bit more than a little. She never spoke to me again. I was crushed. If someone said that from now till the day I die, every girl I meet that I am interested in, the end result will be the Tera incident, or I can watch Crystal Skull again. I am taking the former. That's how much I hate the movie, that's how much I hate what George Lucas and Steve Spielberg did to destroy a great legacy.