Diversions - NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO
Woman Feels Her Bra Wiggle, Finds Tiny Bat Inside

Morning Edition,July 10, 2008 · A hotel receptionist in England felt a vibration that she thought was her cell phone in the upper pocket of her jacket. It was not. At lunch, 19-year-old Abbie Hawkins investigated. From her bra, she plucked out a sleeping baby bat. She figures it snuggled into the bra as it hung on the clothesline.

I'm going to give you a brief moment to absorb this.

Uh, uh...

Yep, you're right ...

Most women just felt themselves up and checked the inside of their bra.

Now, I've found things in my bra before: food and cash especially, but never a living animal. How do you not notice a bat in your bra when you put it on? Even if you have one of those bras with the inside pockets where the added padding goes, how do you not notice a strange, wiggling lump that doesn't belong? When I place my ever-precious ladies into those cups, I know where they're going thank you very much.

Gentlemen, I've talked about bras quite a bit in the past, but I couldn't let this one go. Allow me to enlighten you in case you aren't already: bras are our second purse. When we don't want to carry a purse, women will stick a plethora of items in their bras. At any given moment, a man can hit the jackpot (and I'm not talking about the flesh here). He may find keys, credit cards, proof of insurance, cash, cell phones and lipstick tubes just to mention a few.

We also stick things in the garter or top lace of thigh-high nylons. I'm sure the next time any man reading this sees a woman not carrying a purse, his imagination will run amok trying to figure out where she put everything, but that's a sex game article (find the cell phone - wink, wink) to be saved for another day. Back to the bra purse.

The only dilemma we find when utilizing the bra purse is when we need to retrieve something ( guys, snap out of it ... stop the rampant mind fantasies ... no, you can't help us find whatever it is we're looking for ... stick with me for a moment). It's a little awkward going after your cash and needing to dig a little while standing in front of a cashier, any cashier. And, while at a black-tie event, it's quite tacky to pull a lipstick tube from your cleavage like a magic act. That's what the ladies room (our mother ship) is for.

As for the vibrating bat ... I may be brave enough to let some sadistic spa lady rip hair out of my thighs with scalding hotwax strips, but if I found a bat in my bra, I'd freak, panic and pass out. The thought alone gives me the creepy crawlies, heebie jeebies and a post-terrifying scream sore throat.

Lesson: check your bras (and guys, your cups) before inserting appendages.