So I wouldn't consider my little reviews impartial, unbiased or even reviews. These are just some of the movies I've seen over the last couple of weeks. I'm assuming we all get a newspaper in the morning and inside that newspaper are reviews that give a tidy summation of the movie. What is written below will not and is not meant to be a summation, just random thoughts...albeit clever and funny random thoughts. Enjoy.

300- Close your eyes and imagine you're stuck in a glass cage, which also happens to be sound proof. While in this glass cage, you're tied to a chair (completely immobile) and you've been given some sort of drug that doesn't allow you to close your eyes. Outside of this glass cage sits some human being with a square peg. Sitting in front of the human being is a board with a square hole and a round hole. The mission of this human being; put the square peg in the correct corresponding hole. For the next 24 hours you are forced to watch, with ever growing anger and frustration, as the human being insists on trying to fit the square peg in the round hole. Sure, once per hour, the human being moves the square peg over the square hole and takes a few seconds to mull it over, all the while you're screaming for this person to just drop the square peg in the square hole. But he can't hear you...sound proof cage remember? By the end, you've managed to harvest a level of frustration that no man should ever have to experience, which leads to you swallowing your own tongue, which oddly enough only takes you about an hour to figure out. In a nutshell, this summarizes my experience in watching "300".

WILD HOGS--I haven't seen this movie, and I'm more than ok with that. Apparently there are people out there who have seen and like this movie, but I have yet to meet one. Then again, I really don't run with the "I love Tim Allen" crowd. If given an either/or choice, I will choose the list below before opening my wallet and paying to see "Wild Hogs"...

1) Would rather be forced to walk around wearing a shirt simply stating "The KKK are A-OK".

2) Would rather be tied to a chair in a sound proof glass cage and forced to watch Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump making out with each other, complete with intermittent baby talk about how much they've now come to realize their soul mates.

3) Would rather be forced to be the guy who has to shave the top finalists in the "Worlds Hairiest Man" competition.

4) Vote for Dennis Kucinich.

5) Would rather be caught, windows rolled down, singing anything by the Pussycat Dolls, while sitting at a traffic light.

One side note, I'll pretend that William H. Macy reads Your hub everyday and will read my open letter to him.

Dear Mr. Macy,

In regards to Wild Hogs...Are you $%^&* kidding me? If you need money or something I have a couple of bucks saved up. You're better than this. I better not see you pull this stunt again.

Sincerely,

Paul Hughes

ZODIAC-If this movie is in any way accurate in it's description of the Zodiac killer, then I'll surmise that the Zodiac killer was lame, and on my list of all time greatest serial killers, he ranks towards the bottom. The movie about the Zodiac killer was pretty good. I may just end up being a Jake Gyllenhall fan after all. My girlfriend felt the movie was boring and tedious, which could explain why she fell asleep for a good thirty minutes during the movie. We got into quite a spirited row about the banality of the script. She felt the flow was off, a zero level of tension and the movie spun its wheels like a hamster. I called her a stupid head and may have thrown out a "Little Eichmann" reference. The "Little Eichmann" reference displayed no sort of syntax to our conversation over the movie; I just love saying it to get a rise out of her. Paul-1, M-0. Plus, anytime she gets on a soap box about movies, I kindly remind her she paid to see "From Justin to Kelly". In all seriousness, Gyllenhall, Robert Downey Jr, and Mark Ruffalo are all top notch and one can argue the movie deftly captured when one can become obsessed with finding the truth.

RENO 911: MIAMI-I'm a big fan of bawdy bathroom humor and while this movie was funny, it wasn't "Jackass" funny. That's ok though, because the movies humor was pitch perfect at times. If you're not a fan of the TV show, this movie won't change your perception. For the rest of us, good times ahead. The one shot scene at the motel is priceless, along with the cameo by Paul Reubens.

Till the next time.