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Blog Entry 5 of 14 Kate's Kitsch
Kate's thoughts on life in all it's wonder.

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~KatesKitsch

20 Something Betters
Contributed by: Kate Herrell   on 7/24/2007

One of my favorite movies of all time is Roxanne, partially because Steve Martin is in it and partially because it is hilarious. (It's probably hilarious because Steve Martin is in it.)

In my favorite scene, a jerky customer at a bar insults Steve's character, CD Bales, who has an unusually large nose. Correction: he tries to insult CD. But all he can come up with is "Big Nose". So CD bets him that he can come up with 20 better insults of a man's nose then "Big Nose":

"Let's start with... Obvious: 'scuse me, is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
Meteorological: everybody take cover, she's going to blow!
Fashionable: you know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like... Wyoming.
Personal: well, here we are, just the three of us.
Punctual: all right, Delbman, your nose was on time but YOU were fifteen minutes late!
Envious: Ooooh, I wish I were you! Gosh, to be able to smell your own ear!
Naughty: uh, pardon me, sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away.
Philosophical: you know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's IN IT that matters.
Humorous: laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze, and it's goodbye, Seattle!
Commercial: hi, I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95!
Polite: uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, uh, orchestra keeps changing tempo.
Melodic: Everybody. He's got... The whole world in his nose!
Sympathetic: aw, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
Complimentary: you must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on.
Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
Obscure: whoa! I'd hate to see the grindstone. Well, think about it.
Inquiring: when you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
French: saihr, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave!
Pornographic: finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once!
Religious: the Lord giveth... and He just kept on giving, didn't He?
Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair?
Paranoid: keep that guy away from my cocaine!
Aromatic: it must wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee... in Brazil.
Appreciative: Oooh, how original! Most people just have their teeth capped.
Dirty: your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?"

As much as I love this scene and I laugh at it every time, this is not how life really is...

One of my friends was pretending to tease me one time and told me that I smelled. I checked, and that was not the case, so I attempted to formulate my own "20 Something Betters", in honor of CD.

1.You have a pungent odor.
2.You have the redolance of fungus.
3.You must've forgot to wear deodorant... all last year.
4.Clearly, you took a bath in bleu cheese dressing.
5.Did you forgot to change your socks?
6.Whew, you give skunks a run for their money.
7.You must be married to a skunk.
8.You surely are a skunk.
9.Did you hit a skunk?
10.You are abhorrently vilely smelly.
11.You are a stink bug.
12.You ate a stink bug.
13.Man, you can be smelled from 10 feet away... and around the corner... and down the hall... and in the next room... and down the street... within 5 blocks...
14.You reek something nasty.
15.You have the miasma of cow chips.
16.You have a perminant funk.
17.You are one freaky reeky! (copyrighted by K.Herrell at this very moment)
18. Is that a fetor of emu I smell about you?
19. You must have gotten onions in your salad.
20. Hey! You just burned all my nose hairs!



Well if you ask me, they're mostly garbage, but I'm glad that I have this movie to show me what it's like to have perfect comic timing, and jokes that are actually funny.


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Showing 1-10 of 26 comments
Submitted By: Gladys Mercier
posted on 7/29/2007 @ 2:27:05 PM
Rated Blog Entry
I like freaky reeky. Congratulations Bill, you are always on the ball. I liked " Roxanne" too, Kate.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: Nikki Britain
posted on 7/27/2007 @ 11:14:51 AM
Rated Blog Entry
When it comes to bad smell-a, Bill Boucher's yer fella. Bravo, Senor Stench!!
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Submitted By: Michael Rule
posted on 7/27/2007 @ 6:53:25 AM
Rated Blog Entry
Knock a buzzard off a gut wagon?!? Oh my!!! LOL
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Submitted By: Jillian Melchior
posted on 7/26/2007 @ 3:30:42 PM
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William Boucher is one witty man. 28 minutes of well-invested hilarity.
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Submitted By: Kate Herrell
posted on 7/24/2007 @ 8:07:01 PM
(Not Rated)
thank you for 20 something better then my 20 something betters!
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Submitted By: William Boucher
posted on 7/24/2007 @ 5:10:13 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Feel free to use any of those.
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Submitted By: William Boucher
posted on 7/24/2007 @ 5:08:18 PM
Rated Blog Entry
You're so smelly, your momma said she'd like to have three more just like you because you came out tapered on both ends.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: William Boucher
posted on 7/24/2007 @ 5:06:34 PM
Rated Blog Entry
You smell so bad, you've been known to make skunks do a self check.
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Submitted By: William Boucher
posted on 7/24/2007 @ 5:04:24 PM
Rated Blog Entry
You smell so sh*tty, the last time you had an enema, you disappeared.
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Submitted By: William Boucher
posted on 7/24/2007 @ 5:03:13 PM
Rated Blog Entry
You smell so much like sh*t that you've been dropped off at the pool more times then the kids at an Osmond family reunion.
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Showing 1-10 of 26 comments
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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Kate Herrell

Castle Rock , CO

Kate Herrell has posted 14 blog entries and 6 comments since joining on 7/23/2007. Kate Herrell 's average blog rating is 5.
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