My wife says I need to get out more and get the feel of modern nightlife in Phoenix and Scottsdale. I say "But, honey, I know all about nightlife. I started serious partying in 1962. Surely nothing has changed since then, has it?" She says, "Yeah, maybe. Tell me about one of your nights from '62."

Well, in those days I never thought about going out until about 9:30 on a Friday night. By then I would be showered, shaved, splashed with Old Spice or Hai Karate, have the hair slicked back with Groom and Clean, put on some pressed pegged pants, a white shirt, a pair of Weejuns (white socks optional), and I was ready for action. I would head for some of my favorite dance joints which were usually smokey bars with a loud band. Nothing fancy, just a joint with great music and girls.

Usually there was a cover charge of $1.00 at the door and the bands never started until 9:00. If you got there about 10:00 you had it timed just right. I always knocked down a couple of beers before I arrived since the beers at the club were 50 to 75 cents and I sure couldn't afford that all night.

You had to be fast to meet the ladies. Closing time was usually 1:00 a.m. so you had no time to waste. If you couldn't take someone home maybe you could at least get a deposit slip. In those days, if a girl gave you her phone number it was usually via a bank deposit slip which had her name and phone number pre-printed on it. Her address was even there but it didn't matter. Paranoia about maniacs wasn't that big a deal then. If you received a girl's number it was to call her for a future date. After a few nights out, you could build a pretty good portfolio.

I have a feeling things have changed since those smoky nights in '62. I just read a review about a new place in Scottsdale called Taste Ultra Lounge. It mentions getting "crunk" there. Is that a new hip word for "drunk?" Apparently some rappers were recently in town and they were cruising the place "making the most of the bedside bottle service and hottie dancers." Huh? These rappers also released a song that "became the ring tone, download, and car bumpin' song of the summer." Once again, Huh? And what are those funny looking $10 drinks everyone is having? I'll bet they don't even sell Keystone beer! What kind of a place is this?

A guest list was recommended so you had to email the club to confirm you were on a list. I know of other places where you stand in line and the bouncers choose who gets to go in. It's like you have to qualify and meet their standards. I don't like that, our lines were always "first come, first served."

I don't think I like the new bar scene. It seems very superficial and I'll bet those modern women don't even carry deposit slips. One thing they probably do is jabber on cell phones all night. It doesn't matter much, I don't stay up much past 10:00 anymore and I prefer women who use a pay phone.