I was at Barnes and Noble over the weekend; I dig them way more than Borders. There stores are bright, open and organized. Borders; there stores are busy (not in the crowd sense), I also get the sense that the people who work/have worked there haven't really picked up a book since their school days...I'm guessing.

Anyway, I was at the BN because, to quote Denis Leary "I like porno and books about war", plus I really like to read political theory books...NERD ALERT. I also picked up a copy of Steve Martin's Shopgirl. This was for M, I lost hers...supposedly. Apparently I left it sitting at a Coffee Bean in Los Angeles a couple of years ago. I dispute the fact, because I always use the dummy check before I leave any location, done it since I was twelve. On the other hand, arguing with the girl is goofy, as I would find a greater sense of pleasure beating my head with a billy club. So fine I lost it. The clerk who rang up my purchases was a nice lad, if a little on the excited side when I gave him the book, he looked at it a few times with that keyed up "I just got her number" look to him and then proceeded to give me his 10 point treatise's on how the book was better than the movie. I know dude, I saw it, Claire Danes was completely miscast. Asking if I had ever read the book, I told him, "Totally, as this was for my fiancé, who says I lost her copy"...whatever. After my awkward proposal a week ago, this was the first time the word fiancé rolled out of my mouth, it felt weird, not as weird as "hey, I haven't bought you a ring, but here's a copy of the book that I lost two years ago". Sorry ladies, my ship of suaveness has already left port.

Side note: I'm in the process of getting a ring, as this to me is not a go to the mall and hit up Kay Jewelers for something "real nice" (say in your best hillbilly accent).

Well, that keyed up excitement by the clerk turned up to 11 upon hearing the word fiancé. "When are you getting married"? "Next year".

Side Note #2: We are going to Vegas next month for The Police concert at the MGM Grand????????????... There aint nothing too good for my lady (again, say with your best hillbilly accent).

What came next...the clerk's 10 point treatises on his marriage. I looked over my shoulder to hopefully see aggravated people waiting in line, but I was all alone and this guy was in full game on mode. I was stuck. During his soliloquy, he asked me one question; "How exciting is it that you'll be marrying the love of your life, your best friend, the future mother of your children"? I looked at him square in the eye and said "I wouldn't say she's my best friend, top 5 yes, but not top 3". He didn't like that comment for some reason...I should've went to Borders; they wouldn't have asked questions about my purchase.

And yes, I wouldn't consider M to be my best friend. I have my 3 BFF's. Good guys, always doing each other a solid at the drop of a hat. Even If I was the type that swung for that team, I still wouldn't marry any of them. There's no system of checks and balances; well not a real solid set of checks and balances. The system of checks and balances with my BFF's runs like this; "Dude, that girl wants me to go back to her house". "Dude, she's trailer trash". "Yeah, but I'm going to get to do stuff". "Well, we all have our off nights. Call me tomorrow with the details". We all share the same brain sometimes; I can't have that in a marriage. With M, there's a solid set of C&B's, plus she's a hot girl, so it works...really well.

This led me to go and visit my parents. Up until my little trip down to Colorado Springs to see them, I hadn't told them about my engagement so the trip was two fold. And yes you read that right, I hadn't told my parents. I had to go to L.A. last week, shoot me. In between the tears of joy that their little boy was becoming a man and the two dozen calls to relatives regarding my wonderful news, I asked my dad the best friend question. In my dad's brain it must be part of his stock answers because he cued up by staring at the ceiling and said yes. My mom trained him well. On to my younger and older sister, both married and with one kid each. Both without reservation said yes...damn, 0 for 3.

Despite calling shenanigans on my family, I drove back to Denver defeated. I know 4 other people who are married but they didn't answer their cell phones so my poll sits at 100 percent say they have married their best friend...whatever.

I asked M if when she officially says "I do", it would be to her best friend. She replied by asking if this was a trick question. By all accounts I'm probably bottom half in her top ten, as her family is from across the pond and carry a keen sense of wit about them. She also has a couple of cousins who have impeccable taste in music, more so than me, so they should be higher...they send us mix tapes all the time.

I've heard from many other people over my years that they have married their best friend, and if your one of them, I am by no means condemning you, play on player. Maybe it's a piece that most people want in their marriage Erector building set. I'm not, and I am more than okay with that.

Side Note #3: I'm sorry the last paragraph does not have more detail to it. This story certainly calls for a more complete closure, maybe a good summation of my sample focus group with explanations/ and or some back history on marriages, some sort of pie chart. But this was all I could come up with as I was heavy into playing the computer on NBA 2K7 on my Xbox. For the record The Phoenix Suns can't play defense on this game, much like real life. How awesome would it be though to have Shawn Marion or Amare Stoudemire in a Nuggets uniform? Think about it. Now I've gone completely off topic.

Till next time...