For the Guys;

By Barry Witonsky

Just as you would prepare answers for a presentation with your boss, you should also prepare answers to questions your wife or girlfriend may ask. With your significant other preparation may be more important because you won't know in advance when you will need the correct answer and let's face it; we're often not as quick on our feet as we would like to be. In addition, if you're only half listening to the question in the first place there will be added pressure when you realize you are under the gun and that the next few minutes are critical to the rest of your day. During the gap between question and answer, pressure can really increase if you look at your wife and realize she's locked in a stare down on you. With each passing second the consequences of a wrong answer increase and the stakes get higher. Panic really comes to town when there seems to be no right answer.

Luckily, with a little preparation you can have the right answer at your finger tips and pull it out in the nick of time.

Let me use imaginary friends to illustrate a few examples of how just a little preparation can go a long way.

1. Okay here is the set up. Bob and his fiancé are seated at a restaurant and a very attractive waitress walks over to greet them. As she walks away Bob's fiancé drops this innocent sounding but deadly question; "she's pretty don't you think?"

Whoa, this one has the potential to ruin the dinner and any hoped for after dinner activities. So here are Bob's choices;

a. "Damn straight, she is smoking hot."

b. "No she's not hot at all (accompanied with a rolling of the eyes)."

c. No answer, ignore the question. Bob can put his head into the menu and ask if she's thinking of getting the mushroom appetizer or mozzarella sticks.

d. "Honey, I love you so much you get prettier in my eyes every day. Even when we're 80, I'll always think of you as more beautiful than the day we met in college."

Before seeing how his wife responds to these answers let's review a few things. First, Bob should give his future wife reinforcement every chance he gets and second, she might not mean what she says. Thirdly, he should consider the truth that the waitress is a knock out so he cannot simply lie and say, "nah, she's a dog". The key is Bob needs to convey to his wife that even though other girls may be pretty, she is the prettiest girl in his eyes. Now let's play the tape and test the phrases to see which gets the best reaction.

A) His fiancé's jaw drops, eyes grow wide then when she decides on the payback she knows Bob's night is going to be full of pain and suffering until he meets the appropriate quota of apologizing, saying he didn't mean it and that she will always be the one for him.

B) Assuming his fiancé has not seen the eye roll or that Bob has not been checking the waitress out since they came into the restaurant, the night may be able to continue along pleasantly enough.

C) Bob's fiancé curls her lip thinks it over and lets herself think, 'oh that's sweet he didn't notice her.'

D) "Oh honey you're so sweet, let me buy tonight," coos his fiancé.

So there it is choice E. Remember saying anything at all about the waitress is a slippery slope and what your girl really wants is reinforcement that she is, and always will be, beautiful in your eyes. Sorry guys, you cannot just say this once and be done with it.

2. Okay, this next one really is not a question but you'll definitely want to prepare a response. Let's begin.

Tom and his wife are shopping for their kids at the mall, carrying some bags and sipping Starbucks when his wife exclaims, "Oh look at the girl, look how hot she thinks she is. Let's see her squeeze out a couple of kids and then we'll see how hot she thinks she is."

This one can stop Tom dead in his tracks. Let's go over his choices.

a. "What girl, ohhhh, wow that girl. Yeah, but she's not nearly as hot as this one over here."

b. "Yeah I'd like to see her after having kids; maybe her chest will get even bigger."

c. "Yeah honey, oh say, while we're here, we should get Johnny a gift for that birthday party he's going to next week. What does that kid like? Spidey?"

d. "Oh my god, she's wearing heels with denim shorts. Like that will work at the playground. Well, little missy better enjoy it while she can because after kids everything will want to drop three inches. That is of course assuming she's not too selfish to even have kids."

e. "Honey you are so gorgeous. Even when we're 80, I'll always think of you as more beautiful than the day we met in college."

Let's go through his wife's responses one by one.

A) Tom realizes he's in trouble when he turns and points to the girl but then realizes his wife is not following his lead but only boring her eyes in on him in disgust. Alright then, this one won't work

B) Tom likes to surprise his wife but quickly realizes her surprise in this situation is not a good thing.

C) After a moment of wondering if she is getting played Tom's wife lets him off the hook and agrees that a Spiderman toy will do. This is a variation of the 'punt' on Tom's part. He won't directly respond to his wife's remark but just plod ahead and not look back. Tom won't be a hero but he probably will not get in much trouble either. After all he cannot get in trouble for something not said, right?

D) Tom is now trying to channel his wife's best friend and doing a pretty good job of it. This response is not bad but it does not build up his wife which is probably the best thing he could do.

E) "That is so sweet Tom. Hey why don't I finish shopping on my own tomorrow and let's get out of the mall and go to the sports bar to watch that 7 th game or whatever you were talking about," replies his wife.

Way to go to Tommy boy. Choice E does not tear down the girl in question and Tom shows his wife that she is the only hottie in his eyes.

3. Okay here is the last example for now. Just stay with it and don't lose focus, it's the last one to go. Here it is.

"Hi honey how was work? So you know that dress I gave to my sister, Jean? Well she wore it to the dinner I went to last night for those who have summer birthdays. So me and Jean are standing by the table and Jane comes up and says 'Jean that dress looks nice on you' and right in front of me Jean says 'Oh I don't know, I just got it but now I'm thinking it makes me look fat,' and Jane says 'Well honey that dress would make anyone look fat.' And I say, 'Fat, no it doesn't,' and she says, 'Oh yes it does'. And I'm like; well I'm not the one who ordered nachos with extra cheese and a dessert. And anyway Jean just stood there. Then today Jean calls and says when she comes by tomorrow she'll return the dress, that it's not the right color for her. Do you believe that? So what should I say when I see her?"

Okay, let's go through the possible responses.

a. "Yeah I can believe that, I think she hates green."

b. "No I don't believe that, I thought she liked green."

c. "Oh I love their nachos too. Don't worry she is way fatter than you. Want to get nachos tonight?"

d. "Honey you are so gorgeous no one on earth holds a candle to you. Even when we're 80, you can still wear that dress and be more beautiful than the day we met in college."

And here are some possible reactions to those responses.

A) "Are you listening to a word I'm saying?"

B) "What are you talking about? Who said anything about green? If someone treated you like that I would defend you."

C) "I hate you"

D) Smiles, husband is handed a beer.

Granted that story is a hard one to stay focused on especially after just getting home from work with keys still in your hand. So the first rule when your significant other is talking is to pay attention, try not to remember what time the game starts or go to check email while she is talking. Second, this is a variation of the, "Am I fat?" question so keep to the principle of reinforcement and build her up. Here is a bonus tip, don't stick your head out by saying, "I thought you said you wanted to get rid of the dress because you said it makes you look fat." Because the response to that sort of thing could be, "So you agree with me, you do think I'm fat don't you?"