register |  login
› DENVER
Loading Ad
Visit Other Hubs:
ADVERTISEMENT
Loading Tower
Blog
Blog Entry 47 of 149 Bad Mom
I call myself Bad Mom because at the time I came up with it, I was learning about the assumptions we put behind our words. I was following the pattern of not believing that my kids are okay, and speaking to them from that basis. I changed that, and it made a big difference. I am from Utah and my people are still living there. My husband was in the Air Force and we rattled around until we saw Colorado, and we stuck.

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~Huh

Coming Out of the Dark
Contributed by: Lisa Arata   on 1/5/2008

It's been a difficult time.

How did it all start?

First I read my daughter's MySpace blog and it looked to me like she was a lesbian. Ultimately, I had to learn that what matters most is that she gets into a good field, with good people, after high school.

Then I started getting SADS, feeling bummed that it got so dark, and I got so dark inside. I started taking longer walks with the dogs.

Then I started hating my husband and thinking I should leave. I was getting older, and the time to bust out of this marriage trap would be soon. All I needed was a career to sustain me and I could get free. But after awhile I realized I needed to take the energy I was blowing on hating my husband, and needed to use that energy to move forward with something I really wanted to do with my life.

Then I started learning. I learned that it might sound bad be older. Older is weaker, sicker, duller. Well, that's not true. Older is being over yourself, realizing you're not a hot tamale (if you ever were) and that yes, you will be invisible to those closer to their twenties, because you haven't got anything they want.

But, you will be visible to yourself, and so will everyone else. People are interesting.

I'm not really better yet. I'm still grieving the death of my old younger self. I feel like crying a couple of times a day. I'd never lost anyone I cared about that much before. (in Miss Piggy voice) MOI!

Now that I realize death is immanent, I've found a greater capacity to love my husband. I don't envy the young. They have so many struggles to go through. All I have left to do is work harder than I ever could when I was younger and always looking over my shoulder at who was admiring me.

My new older self doesn't have room to criticize others, nor get all hyped up about being thin.

Any minute now I'm going to stop talking about myself and get into more interesting things.

Bye!

p.s. I just read Necessary Losses by Judith Viorst, and It's only too late if you don't start now by Barbara Sher. They're saving my life!!


SUBMIT COMMENT

Rate the above blog



Talk Back : submit comments to the blog

*Note: you need to log-in to add a comment or rating.

CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Lisa Arata

Greeley , CO

Lisa Arata has posted 149 blog entries and 235 comments since joining on 4/18/2007. Lisa Arata 's average blog rating is 4.78.
SAVE AND SHARE THIS BLOG ENTRY
BLOG ENTRY RSS FEEDS
BLOG LIST
WANT TO WRITE FOR YOURHUB.COM?
Want to see the stories you write and the photos you shoot featured in the YourHub.com Thursday print section available all over the Front Range and with home subscriptions of the Rocky Mountain News and The Denver Post? All you have to do is  register,  then post a story or column, start a blog or tell everyonewhat events are happening in town. We will print the best stories, columns, event listings, photos and blog entries in our print sections.

ADVERTISEMENT
Loading Ad

Loading Ad
ADVERTISEMENT
Loading Ad

This YourHub.com community is produced by The Denver Newspaper Agency
Web Development and Channel Analytics provided by Indigio

terms of use //  privacy policy
the staff //  advertise //  help & faq
buy photos