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Blog Entry 53 of 149 Bad Mom
I call myself Bad Mom because at the time I came up with it, I was learning about the assumptions we put behind our words. I was following the pattern of not believing that my kids are okay, and speaking to them from that basis. I changed that, and it made a big difference. I am from Utah and my people are still living there. My husband was in the Air Force and we rattled around until we saw Colorado, and we stuck.

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~Huh

Botomless Pit Ego Battle
Contributed by: Lisa Arata   on 1/24/2008

You are nothing.
You've never done anything.
You can't do anything.

That's what went on in my ego battle at 3 am this morning. I became aware that my ego is telling me nothing is good enough. I was aware that this was just a machination of an ego that is fighting to dominate my thinking, and that made it something I could stand. But still, it felt terrible! My heart felt like it was made of rusty tin, aching and cold.

Knowing I didn't have to believe it, I still didn't want to just tell myself something to fix it. I could have argued with those things my ego was saying, but I didn't. It thrives on war and conflict, so I just breathed out the blackness and asked for goodness to come in when I inhaled.

Today I have this little journal to write in. I put in my worries, my dreams of how to become rich, and I ask questions to God. Like, "Where do I belong?" I just wrote it in there and let God answer how I need to be answered.

I also wrote in my journal the things God told me. This came at a different moment than when I was feeling ego-bound. I got a message that said I've done a good job of providing a safe haven from the world for my husband and kids.

And you know, because God said it, I finally got the message. It helped me have peace.

I will still have to work hard to communicate from the better part of me to the better part of my daughter. She's on the other computer and she's recently discovered "Stairway to Heaven." It's so pretty, isn't it. I hope it gives her spirit something she can really use.

Oh, by the way, have you heard the new Robert Plant collaboration with Allison Krause? Super!! His voice is still sooooo goood.

Speaking of which, while you're on Itunes look up the 2006 release of Seals and Crofts'. They re-recorded some of their classics, this time with their daughters and with today's better technology, and their beautifully-utilized abilities. It gives me hope. It shows what maturity can do.

The novel writing is happening. I'm taking mine to the Lighthouse Writer's Workshop, where I'm getting a whole heapin' helpin' of writing advice.

As we speak, husband o' mine is flying home from LA.

I will go clean up the clutter and sparkle up the kitchen.

bye for now.


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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Lisa Arata

Greeley , CO

Lisa Arata has posted 149 blog entries and 235 comments since joining on 4/18/2007. Lisa Arata 's average blog rating is 4.78.
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