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Blog Entry 59 of 182
Bad Mom
I call myself Bad Mom because at the time I came up with it, I was learning about the assumptions we put behind our words. I was following the pattern of not believing that my kids are okay, and speaking to them from that basis. I changed that, and it made a big difference. I am from Utah and my people are still living there. My husband was in the Air Force and we rattled around until we saw Colorado, and we stuck.
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I Can or I Can't
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Contributed by:
Lisa Arata
on 3/17/2008
In the Allman Brothers' song, Wasted Words, from their Eat a Peach album, there's a line I thought was quite relevant and philosophical. Basically, "It all comes down to your yes or no."
In a melancholy state of mind, it seems like what happens is... all that you see and all your circumstances, you're saying "no" to. And you're saying, "I can't change this." So you end up making a few minor different choices here or there, and that gets you through.
You wake up in the morning in the shadow of "I can't." To change it and think "I can" seems like a lie at first. But then I have to question the "I can't." Am I in love with the negativity?
If it were a lover it would be someone dark and silent, engulfing in beautiful garnet colors and warm grays. It would be oily, and comfortable only in resting and stillness. It would be there for you when you wanted to cry. It would tell you it sees the real you. That's hard to resist. There would be incense and candles. Easy to stay.
The exercise is now to say "I can." To walk toward the light and let go of the blanket of darkness that felt so cozy, because someone inside my heart is like a baby wanting to get up and walk and reach for the cookies without needing to wait for one to be handed out. The challenge of standing up and letting yourself be on one foot for a second while you take a step doesn't seem too bad, when your sister's Barbie is on the couch and you're dying to get a look.
So...It's Monday morning. I've got a job that starts in April. At a plant nursery. I can see that it's going to be good working with physical things. I can do a lot of things. I can make a future without expecting myself to come up with it and commit to it all at once. Much as I'd like to see the future spelled out. Career lined up. All that good stuff. I can appreciate now. I can go to the gym. I can phone a friend.
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Showing 1-3 of 3 comments
Submitted By: Gladys Mercier
posted on 3/25/2008 @ 8:59:56 PM
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It would be nice to work around flowers and plants. Good luck.
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Submitted By: Michael Rule
posted on 3/18/2008 @ 8:31:16 PM
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I have been in the "green industry" most of my life. I love it, I love the people. Go Girl!
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Submitted By: Katherine Jerome
posted on 3/18/2008 @ 9:00:38 AM
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Your job sounds terrific Lisa. I hope that you find working with "living" plants and the beauty of nature brings a lot of light into your life. Good Luck and have fun!!
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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION
Lisa Arata
Greeley
, CO
Lisa Arata has posted
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