It's time to finally come clean. This article will allow me to finally purge the soul, to have peace of mind, and to hopefully educate...

When I was eight years old, with the world at my fingertips, and a joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, down in my heart; my life was suddenly turned upside down when I was afflicted with a crippling disease. While no child should ever feel they have done something wrong when struck with disease, for years I felt like I had done something wrong. I felt that if I had taken one extra step the day of March 23 rd, 1983; life would have gone on as normal. Had I taken one extra step then perhaps, I wouldn't have felt so ashamed to carry around a secret that, until this very moment, has been locked away for twenty five years. But ladies and gentleman, I have come to terms with what happened to me back in 1983 and now I want to share my experiences with the hope that information, given here, will be passed along and maybe, just maybe, life will be able to continue on as normal for your young one.

I, at the tender age of eight...got...cooties.

Wow... that felt so good to get off my chest. Empowerment people, truly embrace it.

Now I present to you some important details of what I'll call "Cootie Contact Day"

1030am-Music Class-St. Josephs Elementary School. I played trumpet and trumpet players sat front row, stage left. I as clean spit out of my Jean Baptiste TP-680. Laughter is heard in the background. I turn around, laughing stops. I check to see if my underwear is hanging out of my pants. Nope, they must be laughing at someone else.

1100am-Math Class- A note is passed to me, which simply states "Watch out for Becky Zimmerman". Becky has the cooties, given to her the day before by Tony Kuhlman. I check my back pocket. "Oh my God" blurts out. I left my cootie catcher at home. Panic sets, but Becky and I don't run in the same crowd at lunch recess. I should be good. Just need to keep a tight perimeter.

1215pm-Lunch Recess- As I innocently play kickball with some 5 th graders, I see Lance Wessel running towards me at a feverish pace. He yells, I can't make it out. A strong gust of wind kicks up the dirt from the playground. I can't see a thing. I hear Lance. I yell back. "What dude". With the dust kicking up everywhere and my peripheral vision gone, my perimeter is comprised.

1216pm-Lunch Recess- Lance Wessel finally reaches me, ready to administer the circle, circle, dot, dot, cootie shot. But it's too late, Becky Zimmerman has touched me. I now have cooties. Lance quickly backs away, a friend no more.

130 pm-Arts Class-A good ten feet separate me from the rest of the class. In my disillusioned haze, I come to find that Becky Zimmerman and friend Michelle Hall administer a school wide circle circle, knife, knife, now you have it all your life cootie shot.

The rest of the school year, I'm simply known as Cootie Patootie, a vagrant in school of riches. The following year I was able to finally pass off the cooties to some unsuspecting kindergartner, but the damaged had been done. I analyzed and analyzed of how that day could have been gone differently. First, and I can't state this enough, always carry your cootie catcher with you. If you think that you can't catch cooties...you can. Secondly, when a cootie shot is given out, as some where administered on March 22 nd, despite the uncool feeling you get from some shot you feel is "stupid", see how you feel after you get cooties.

I was for a while convinced that there was a second shooter, perhaps coming at me from the baseball field backstop, but film shot by student teacher Karen Mulgrew on that fateful day proved that Becky worked alone.

I hope that my pain and suffering will, in the end, educate. Protect yourself people, you only have one life. Live it safe and live it well.

Thank you.