I know what you're going to ask and my answer to you is no, I didn't receive Scarlett Johansson wrap in nothing but a bow, under my Christmas tree holding in one hand a Costco size bag of M&M's and in the other, Rush's2112 album and the only thing she says to me is"There's no time like the present for illicit congress". Does Santa even really exist?

So I've come up with a list of things I am going to work on in 2008. Please indulge in my self centered examination.

1) Finish up my operatic progressive synth rock concept album entitled Lazy Eye and the AmazingTechnicolor Peep Hole. I've decided to add a flautist, a tambourine man, washboard, spoons and a jug player. I've also added the members of Right Said Fred, because they're not really doing anything at the moment and by allowing them to get on this album, they'll clean my apartment, one a week for 3 years. Sweet deal I know. To call it the party album of '08 wouldn't do it justice....it's going to be the PARTAAY album of '08

2) Try to keep an open mind to my fathers desire to release a novel about his children. It's called My Children: Loads that should have been put into the dryer. My dad...funny guy.

3) Vote for the one candidate that is the most qualified over all the others running for President in 2008... Bill Pullman's character from Independence Day(Bill's participation isn't necessarily required and can be played by Bill Paxton or Jeff Daniels if needed. I will also accept DermontMulroney or Dylan Mcdermott). Because if we're ever attacked by aliens, I wouldn't want anyone else to be my President. The VP should be Kevin's Kline's character from Dave because he's like the nicest guy ever.

4) Not laugh every time I hear the word boob.

5) Read Voltaire's Candide

6) Go on Wikipedia and read info on Candide and then spout certain tag phrases when I'm at parties to come across as some uber intellectual because I'm not actually going to sit down and read Candide.

7) Try to find dudes that even though they are 100 percent not gay, they think I'm so cool, I would be a dude they would go gay for.

8) To not laugh when people squarely in their 30's and 40's and beyond tell me they're on MySpace and/or Facebook. Seriously, it's for the kids.

9) Use the dictionary.com word of the day in a sentence each day. I just have to remember to sound somewhat gnomic (12/27) when I use these words.

10) Try to understand how there are still people walking among us that still find humor in AdamSandler movies.

11) Go out and find everyone that loves Josh Groban, then give them a copy, any copy, of a Michael Bolton record. Then ask them why when they shun Mr. Bolton they openly embrace Mr. Groban...It's the same ( censored) thing...minus the perm mullet.

12) Work on my side band project. The band is in a row over our name at this particular juncture. I like Wash and Dry, the other likes The Laundry. We might meet in the middle and call ourselves Pee Pee Stain . What is certain is the title of our epic folk-punk-techno-blues album. It's Takes 4 Quarters In Our Slot To Turn Us On.

13) Resurrect the career of Skeet Ulrich

14) Every time someone sends me a text message and I see a letter or number replacing a word , I will stop what I'm doing, seek that person out, and sock them in the ( censored).

15) Not laugh every time I hear the song title Come On Eileen.

16) Not get sucked into episodes of 30 minutes Meals with Rachel Ray. I won't ever cook what she's proposing, I don't even thinks she attractive or charming or ( insert your own view of Rachelhere). I just can't stop watching for some reason.

17) Write a letter to Phillip Seymour Hoffman and tell him that even though I'm not gay, I would totally go gay from him.

18) Dump my stock in Aqua Dots.

19) Use the word Draconian at least once a day

20) Discover there are more clothing choices out there than just a hoody, t-shirt, jeans and Vans shoes.

21) Stop making it a point to read PerezHilton.com every day.

22) Realize that your not alone in thinking the band TV on the Radio sucks.

23) Listen to more Gil Scott Heron and any and all jazz that involves Scat.

24) Not let my anticipation get the best of me as I await the arrival of the movie version of Where the Wild Things Are.

25) Write a sequel to the venerable 1986 Gary Busey/Yaphet Kotto movie Eye of the Tiger, and cast Gary's son Jake, but I'll let Gary make a cameo. Right now, there are like 3 people stoked by this idea.

26) Stop watching the Rick Springfield movie Hard to Hold every time it's on TV....note to self, write sequel for this movie as well. Right now, there are like 4 women who just got excited by this idea.

27) Force myself to turn the dial when a Maroon 5 songs comes on the radio...because I don't do that now.

28) Get at least 25 people to fall in love with the band (Dios) Malos.

29) Work on my golf game, specifically... all of it.

30) Well, my golf game is a lost cause, so I will dial that down just a bit and work on my miniature golf game.

31) See If I can marry Britney Spears.

32) Take Shakira and Rachel Ray, have them switch places and see if anyone notices.

33) Party like it's 2007.

Keep it Real.

Your Friend,

Paul Hughes