The revolution will not be televised...
Dear Big Oil,
Hello, how are you? Well now we got that out of way....
Let me start off by saying that I'm not a fan of the teeter-totter, seesaw, what have you. It's such a futilous exercise, you go up, you go down, repeat, rinse, legs get tired...SOFA-KING-WE-TODD-ED.
I also find the exercise of insulting one's intelligence to be an exercise that should only to be reserved for the wonderful creative teams that give us big dollar Hollywood movies. What am I saying? Quit (censored) insulting mine. Look bro', I'm a true blue capitalist with the best of them and I love the jingle jangle of coins flopping around in my pockets. I also know everyone involved with any and every aspect of oil production/selling are out to get rich...really, really filthy stinking rich. It's okay man, if my hand was in the cookie jar, I'd be (insert your own favorite opportunistic, entrepreneurial rich guy here) with my hand so far in it, the ingrained "give me more" grin on my face might cause some to whisper treason. So I beg you, no more paper thin excuses to explain our wonderfully rising gas prices. Seriously, if it's not ethanol, or spring/summer blends or the instability in Iraq ...quick side note, I love how the percentage of oil from Iraq equals about the same percentage of my chances of scoring with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover Model and Charlize Theron at the same time but yet it still "affects outcomes"...seriously. And yes, you read that right, I am giving myself a chance with, you know, the hot chicks...I've seen myself dude, I have a mirror...sue me. In fact, I may bump my chances up to Venezuela oil import percentages...snip snap
I digress, look, I'm not here to complain and bemoan the state of your existence. Your "it's not our fault" rhetoric in front of our esteemed Congress the other day got me thinking, so I am here to drop a challenge on you old man, Miyagi style....wait for it...
Raise the prices...a lot....no, that's no mistype...raise em, somewhere in the $6 to $8 range. Oh hell, put a cherry on top and go $8.50-$9.... whatever man. Let's kick this jam up a notch or two.
"The idiot says what"?..exactly. Raise 'em
. Starting next Monday, when I awake fresh and ready to tackle the week, I want to see that in response to your greedy ways and my challenge, local gas station's will see their usual 10 cents and raise it $3 more dollars...perhaps..please?
Because really, It's about time we, the American collective, truly discover where our line in the sand is drawn and what we will actually do when we come to that line. Will we, the American collective, finally sayenough is enough and fight back or will we curl up in a corner and let everything around us implode? We need to find this out now. The tease, as you are probably aware, is only good for a few go rounds, you eitherhave to(censored) or get out of the bed.
The idea that's now being floating around of having your hard work become a government regulated entity is way goofy. Look what happened to
Ma Bell when the Government rotary dialed into her...phone service has sucked ever since. They're just jealous someone else is getting rich. It's not their fight, it's ours, the American collective, so... Big Oil, before it's too late; become the impetus to our mettle.. and kick start this party, jack those prices up.
Still think I'm off my rocker? Well, I have to be honest with you Big Oil, I'm a little worried that we, the American collective, will continue to put up with the nickel and diming you so love to torture us with and we'll create bigger problems for ourselves that will continue to fester. So, let's get it out of the way. Let's find out what we're made of, let's duke it out,
Kaiju Big Battle style. No more emails about not buying gas for a day, no more 8 hour strikes, let's take it to the streets and duke it out like big boys and girls. Maybe you'll win, maybe our ardor will kick you in the teeth with such passion and furious anger that we'll pay .87 cents a gallon for the rest of our lives. I'm now willing to go to the mat with you and get this solved.
The balls in your court Big O, what are you prepared to do? What are you prepared to do? I know what I am prepared to do, and I'm not alone...so let's do this.
The revolution will be live...
Kicking it from across the tracks with a baseball bat,
Paul Hughes.